Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Ruminations 9.0

Greetings and salutations to my devoted readers and an extended hand to those who have the virtuoso-level supplies of patience necessary to tolerate me as a real person and not a clandestine character whose identity is neatly veiled by the insipid grays of the interweb.

Here's hoping that everyone had a safe and joyful Christmas time. In case you care, or in the event that you don't, I had a wonderful Holidays spent with family, and despite my thoughts of solitude that I shared with you all prior to the break, I have no complaints...

Especially when you consider the present that was delivered on a blustery night in North East London this past Tuesday.

Arsenal 3 - 0 Chelsea

Thanks Santa. For once, I actually got something that was on my list.

Theo Walcott looked like a man possessed, and despite some early heavy touches by he and captain Cesc Fabregas, the two managed to team-up on two occasions in a two-minute second-half span that cemented the much needed result. The top of the table is tighter than a newborn stuffed with an engorged yam, made even better by Lee Bowyer's late equalizer last-night against Man United that has United, cross-town poofters City and heroic talismen Arsenal within close proximity.


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In the spirit of the scatter-brain state of Ruminations, I wanted to take but a brief moment to identify something that really pisses me right off. Previously, I've done rather well by my lofty standards to point-out some massive violations of the English language, both spoken and written. As a writer, I take pride in the words I produce and on the maintenance of a high-standard of said writing.

Sure, every once and a while, I'll publish a "having said that" or a "be that as it may", but this is my site, and I don't receive a penny per word, only an enhanced self-esteem, now similar to that of an anorexic goth-chick from a flyover state with a history of childhood abuse and glue consumption.

Having said that (piss-off), in a past piece about titled "The Death of the English Language", I identify the problem with writer's usage of cliches. Like using a vibrator during sex, there's a time and there's a place for such things.

Cliches, proverbs, popular metaphors and analogies can all do a great deal towards helping to paint a picture for a reader, but like the flogging of a dead horse, there are invisible limits which should not be traversed.

What really angers me is the usage of the word 'proverbial', as in "you hit the proverbial nail on the head". In conversation, when a term such as the aforementioned is used, unless you are literally putting a finishing nail in a ninety-degree casing while framing a home, we mutually comprehend that you are not actually striking a nail with a hammer, but instead accurately depicting or answering a query.

There is never ever ever a need to say proverbial - it is sophomoric, novice and fucking stupid.

If you choose to resort to a proverbial statement, make a concerted effort to avoid saying the word. Your friends will appreciate it.

Friday, December 24, 2010

Good People: Rudy Favard

In ths spirit of the holidays, I'm re-gifting this fine article. Thanks to DS for the link and to the Boston Globe for publishing stories like these.

We could all afford to be a little bit more like Rudy Favard. Enjoy and Merry Christmas to all.


MELROSE — Everybody was waiting for Rudy.

On Tuesday night, Patty and Rick Parker were in their cramped kitchen with their 8-year-old son Ben. Dinner was over. Bedtime was near.

Ben’s twin brother, Sammy, lay on a cot in the narrow hallway just outside the kitchen. Unable to see or speak or control his limbs, he coughed or let out a little moan every now and then. Rick and Patty took turns feeding Sammy, who has cerebral palsy, through a stomach tube. He cooed when they kissed his face or stroked his cheek, and when they cooed back, he opened his mouth into a wide, joyful O.

A few feet away was the narrow, winding stairway that is the family’s biggest burden lately.

Which is where 17-year-old Rudy’s simple, life-changing act of kindness comes in.

Until recently, Rick carried Sammy up those 14 stairs to his bedroom each night. But a few months ago, Rick had major surgery for a life-threatening heart condition, and now he can’t lift much at all, let alone a 75-pound child.

“We thought Rick was going to die, and we were terrified,’’ Patty recalled. “We knew right away he had to stop carrying Sam.’’

Patty couldn’t carry him, either. Desperate, she called her pediatrician, who put her in touch with Elizabeth Paquette, the nurse at Malden Catholic High School. Paquette said she’d take care of it. The boys at Malden Catholic are taught to embrace service: She’d find plenty of students to help.

Rudy Favard was the first kid Paquette came across after that call. At Malden Catholic on a partial scholarship from the Catholic Schools Foundation, this son of Haitian immigrants was one of Paquette’s treasures. The linebacker, cocaptain of the football team and honor roll student was always willing to lend a hand.

The nurse had barely begun telling Rudy about the Parkers before he said he’d help. Another boy would fill in for Rudy on game nights. And a third boy was on standby in case neither of the others could make it.

When Paquette brought the boys to meet the family for the first time, the Parkers cried.

“Just to see this outpouring of people,’’ Rick Parker began, his eyes welling at the memory. “To see that these people were willing to put their hands and feet to what they believed. . .’’

It is profoundly isolating to have a child as severely disabled as Sammy. It’s hard even for well-meaning friends to understand the immense strain of his all-consuming needs. Patty and Rick — who tried for 8 years to get pregnant before Ben and Sam were born — grieve for one son’s lost potential every day, even as they struggle to give the other as normal a life as possible.

“You plan for your child’s future, but it’s hard to do that for Sam,’’ Rick said. “You have this pathway he should have taken, and the pathway he did take, and you don’t want to look at either one.’’

And over it all hangs the certainty that Sammy’s condition will never improve — even as he gets bigger and heavier.

Into this world of love and hurt comes Rudy. Four nights a week, he leaves his homework and makes the 10-minute drive to the Parker house. Around 8 p.m., he carries Sammy upstairs, chats a bit, hugs everybody, and heads home to finish his work. After considerable effort, the Parkers convinced Rudy to take enough money to cover gas, with a little left over.

In the few months the Parkers have known him, Rudy has become not just a help with Sammy, but a salve for their pain. He and Rick talk about football. Patty quizzes him on girls. Ben usually parks himself as close to Rudy as possible, looking up at him adoringly. And most nights, Sam will tremble with excitement as Rudy picks him up.

“It’s like family,’’ said the shy senior. It goes both ways: The Parkers were on the field with Rudy’s mother the night Malden Catholic honored its senior football players.

And so Rudy had barely knocked on the door Tuesday night before Ben was at it, jumping up and down, yelling, “Rudy is here! Rudy is here!’’

He greeted the Parkers, and went over to Sammy, gently lifting the boy’s left arm and sliding his hands under his back, the way Rudy’s father, a professional caregiver, had shown him. He lifted Sammy and held him close to his chest, and as the boy made his joyful O, Rudy carefully maneuvered him around the corners on the narrow stairway.

You couldn’t help but be struck by the painful contrast between the two boys: The robust athlete cradling the pale, helpless child; the young man preparing to go out into the world carrying someone who never will.

It’s a comparison lost on nobody, least of all Rudy himself.

“Can I ask you something?’’ he said, sitting in the Parkers’ living room after Sammy was asleep. “Is it OK if this article is more about Sam than me?’’

Why?

“He’s done more for me than I’ve done for him,’’ Rudy said. “There are times when I don’t want to go to practice, and then I look at Sam. By God’s grace, I can do what I’m doing, so I should keep it up. I’ve never been one to complain a lot, but just seeing Sam reaffirms everything, you know?’’

The Parkers won’t have Rudy for long. He’s already been accepted at four colleges, and others are courting him. Where he goes depends on financial aid and football.

The Parkers hope to be out of this cramped house and into a bigger one — with no stairs — before Rudy leaves town in search of his degree.

Until then, Rudy will bound up to the modest, pale green house on Fairmount Street. He’ll carry Sammy up to his cozy room. Then, for a little while, he’ll carry the Parkers somewhere better, too.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Personal Shit: The Holidays

Well being that it's but a few days from Christmas, I am allowed more free time than usual to reflect on the past year that was - and what an amazing year it was. My standards for life have grown to new heights.

This year will be the first Christmas that I've been single in 5 years. Despite the fact that I will be surrounded by family and friends, there is something missing. The holidays are a time when the lonely really feel that solitude, and I can somewhat empathize with that notion this year.

If you love somebody - make it work, and if it doesn't, because many things in life are beyond repair, then have no regrets.

Allow the holiday season to gather some perspective on life.

I have just now finished compiling a list of the 5 things I want in the New Year. These things are not available in stores, but are things on which I build my foundation. Nothing lying under that Christmas tree will have any lasting value. It can be a new job, finish that novel you started, or even get your ex-girlfriend back - whatever it is, allow nothing to get in your way.

Compared to my typically sarcastic and barely-comedic tone on this site, all of this may sound bizarre - perhaps it's the season to reflect.

Compile your own list of 5 things you want in the New Year, spend the next 8 days until then getting really fucked-up on egg nog and spiced rum and enjoying the company of who you have, and come January 1st - start with the list of 5.

All of life's goals are achievable, you just have to set them for yourself and have an insatiable desire to achieve them.

Happy Holidays from badnewsblog.

Monday, December 20, 2010

Lunar Eclipse: Live Blog

It's Lunar Eclipse time boys and girls.

A lunar eclipse occurs when the moon passes behind the earth so that the earth blocks the sun's rays from striking the moon. This can occur only when the Sun, Earth, and Moon are aligned exactly, or very closely so, with the Earth in the middle.

Initially I had trouble understanding this (obviously I'm joking), until I drew a diagram where the earth is my junk, and the sun and the moon are my two balls, where if everything is in proper order, a lunar eclipse will occur in my pants.

Because of this, there is always a full moon the night of a lunar eclipse. The type and length of an eclipse depend upon the Moon's location relative to its orbital nodes. Orbital nodes could not be metaphorically translated into the aforementioned analogy, though I'm told from a friend of a friend that I may have contracted orbital nodes once in university.

Let's take this opportunity to use the world wide web to its fullest and have ourselves a little live chat.

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1:48AM - Fuck it's bright out. Between the snow and the light emitted from the moon (yes, I'm aware the moon doesn't produce light), you'd think we're enjoying a midnight sun in southwest Ontario. Yippee.

1:54AM - Well, this is going rather swimmingly - there is nobody participating in this live chat, however, despite the lack of reaction, nay support, I continue to stare at the moon.

1:59AM - Just made popcorn. Still no participants, eclipse continues to cover the left-side of the moon, approximately a third of the way.

2:04AM - Wowzers. Briefly stopped by the loo to make water and pause for a quick, yet necessary exfoliation, only to find upon returning to the kitchen window that the moon is now half-covered. Live chat members total 1. Yours Truly.

2:20AM - Holy fuck the eclipse is really moving now - which is the complete inverse of this live blogging experiment.

2:21AM - On another subject, Mavs beat the Heat, halting their win streak at 12. Take that Lebron. Somewhere, Jamario Moon is finally smiling, as astronomers worldwide mistakenly check his twitter feed.

2:29AM - Now but a sliver of the vibrant moon remains visible. Much like my confidence, with each passing signal, the light begins to vanish like the bulb at the end of the dock in F. Scott's marquee work, slipping away through the sands of time.

2:35AM - Goodnight Moon. See you tomorrow night, hopefully as I serenade your beauty as I stumble home drunkenly with confidence momentarily regained and temporally intact.

Thanks for participating in this maiden voyage of the badnewsblog live blogging.

(italics used to imply sarcasm.)

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Where Amazing Happens Sometimes: Picture Of The Year

First off, yes I am aware that the title "Where Amazing Happens Sometimes" requires a comma after the Happens. In order to modify this I would need two things I don't have a surplus of to go-back an alter the tags on all of my NBA bits; patience and time. So for the time being, it is what it is.

See all those bald, portly Jewish-looking dudes sitting on their asses underneath the baskets at NBA games? No, not Jon Lovitz sitting courtside, the other ones. The same guys that get flattened by Shaq and kicked by Dennis Rodman are there to take photos of the action taking place before them. Often the shots are mundane and indicative of the repetitive nature of the game and what transpires in the paint; white dudes getting dunked on, players leaping en mass for a rebound and homo-erotic scrums for a loose ball.

Sometimes said photographers capture brilliance. In but a week's span, two shots were captured that require noting.

The first I stumbled upon while reading Bethlehem Shoals in-depth coverage of the Miami Heat in "Heat Strokes" which my friends at Deadspin.com publish following Heat games. Shoals also writes for FreeDarko.com, which is one of my favorite sites on the interweb. They also recently published an amazing book on the subject of basketball which is a must-have for fans of the hardwood.

No, not that hardwood, if you fancy that well I can't help you, well actually I probably could, but I have my eyes on something else. Shotta!




That right there is a statement picture. Captured accidentally, it displays the "Big Three" in various stages (Yup, that's Chris Bosh marinating under his own basket - way to run the break buddy.) At the time, I thought this might be the photo of the year.

Until last night, following the Celtics win over the Knicks at MSG, whilst trolling online I found this gem. Despite the fact it's not during game action as is the above photo, find me another shot that features four teammates each in a different stage of celebration. Not sure what Nate Robinson is up to, but you have to love Garnett's Vaudeville-like pose no?

Funny how similar Paul Pierce's pose is to Mr. Wade's in the previous photo. Trust me, Pierce is very aware of this fact and enjoys being 20-4 while the rest of the league talks about the Heat.


How aware is my boy P Squared aka The Truth about the goings on around the league, following a second consecutive defeat of the Heat, he tweeted this:

"It's been a pleasure to bring my talents to south beach now on to Memphis"

Obviously trivializing LeBron's choice of words in "The Decision" to which, in reply, Heat power forward called Udonis Haslem said this:

"Paul who? Man, ain't nobody paying them dudes no attention, man. You know what studio gangster is? Look up that, look up the definition of studio gangster. I'm here to play basketball. First of all, I don't tweet. So I wouldn't know what he tweeted if you guys didn't tell me."

Damn, that makes me chuckle every time. Haslem calling Pierce a studio gangster - ouch.

Just another reason this season, like I've said numerous times before, is the best since Michael left the Bulls for the final time. The Bulls I said, fuck that 27.6 points a game with the Wizards with Tyronne Lue at the point, I don't count that rubbish.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Things Done Changed: Santa, I Actually Want Something This Year

Word has it Christmas is around the corner?

How could you not notice? Even those living under the proverbial rock are inundated with Mariah Carey's "All I Want For Christmas..." ad nauseum.

As I get older I care less and less for what I receive as gifts, and more for the time spent with family and the creative nature of my gift-giving tendencies.

In other words, I don't hold my bated breath in anticipation of an amazing gift.

Sure, last year I was spoiled by both my parents and my girlfriend, but it was a bit of an abbhoration. This Christmas, I'm single for the first time since Seattle had an NBA team and frankly, I don't deserve much.

Leave it to a UK Grime rapper Tinchy Stryder to change all of that with a 3-minute video.

Santa, I've been an above average young man and I want, nay I demand an iPad.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Peyton Hillis: Barrier Breaker


Despite losing Sunday to the Buffalo Bills, Peyton Hillis became the first white running back to rush for a 1000 yards since New England's Craig James did so in 1985.

Amongst NFL running backs, 1000 yards rushing for a season has become a benchmark for success. Mr. Hillis deserves praise for his efforts this season with the Cleveland Browns not because he is white, but because he overcame anonymity whilst playing with the Denver Broncos, to find his niche in Cleveland.

As much as I'd like to think race does not matter, let's face it - white running backs are less common on a professional stage than are black hockey players in the NHL. There are certain positions on a football team, often called the 'skilled positions', that are dominated by African-American athletes. Where speed and agility is required, such as in the case of running backs and wide receivers, most often these positions are held by black players.

This is not a forum on the ethnic and physiological reasons for why certain races excel at certain sports, while others seem to struggle in comparison, however the fact remains that the numbers don't lie.

Odds are, parents of children playing amateur football are aware of the percentages and motivate their kids to play other positions, or even other sports such as lacrosse.

The dissenting opinions of naysayers and those that told him it couldn't be done are no different than those that criticized black quarterbacks 25 years ago for lacking the cerebral qualities and leadership skills required to lead a team. The likes of Donovan McNabb and Michael Vick would be quick to point out that things change, and stereotypes do nothing but motivate the hungry.

Kudos to Peyton Hillis for overcoming such stereotypes, succeeding on the field and inspiring kids across America, not only white ones, but children of all ethnicities, that labels mean nothing and molds are made to be broken.