Ruminations 13.0

First things first - I had an unbelievably busy week which culminated with a visit from a friend from the UK - so excuse me if there hasn't been a post in a week's time. I know how upset you all must be and how this site plays such an integral role in your daily lives.

Accept my apology with the same sincerity and genuine tone that the above personal message is seasoned with.

In today's installment of Ruminations, I'd like to tackle, nay, lazily gloss over some things that have been ruffling my feathers of late. To remain consistent with one of the general themes of this blog, I like to emphasize variations of the English language and common colloquial that are assisting in the Death Of The English Language (click on the link on the right-side margin to familiarize yourselves.)

Because of my love of literature, my experiences with journalism and my penchant for the use of larger words to convey a veiled sense of pretentiousness, I am a very literal person. I fancy the usage of words to be as they were intended and scoff at the misinterpretation and bastardization of terms.

Since I am so literal, today's term/word of choice may seem ironic. But it is not irony, rather coincidence (again, please read The Death Of The English Language excerpt on Irony.) The over-usage of the word literally is killing me.

Qualifying a thought or notion by attaching the word literally is one of the most wasteful and unintelligent things a person can do. Sure, there is a purpose to the term and its proper usage.

Let's start simple here. Literally is an adverb that comes from literal, as in the interpretation of things. It has 4 principle meanings and usages and they are each as simple to understand as the next.

1) In a literal or strict sense - What does a word mean? Literally. i.e. poo means shit, literally.

2) In a literal manner, word for word - Translate something literally.

3) Actually, as in without exaggeration or inaccuracy - i.e. I literally shit my pants. Not figuratively, where as Jay Cutler played like crap, boy did he shit his pants (see shit the bed.)

4) In effect, in substance or very nearly - In this sense, its interchangeable with 'Virtually".

Using the term literally has its purposes, this is clear. If used properly within the parameters of the aforementioned 4 means, it is an effective way of avoiding hyperbole and confusion. What bothers me is when ignorant teenagers use it as every 3rd word in a sentence.

I contemplated fabricating a conversation between two teenage girls where the misuse of the word literally would be borderline pandemic, but my readers are an intelligent lot and familiar with such blasphemy. In addition to this, I literally did not want to make your eyes bleed.

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One last thing. This is not as much for my readers as it is a reminder for myself if I should ever be faced with the possibilities of being a parent.

As a child, I was a bit of a pain in the ass (that would be figuratively, not literally - as a child, Elton John was a bit of a pain in the ass, literally.) I was constantly in trouble and in the midst of being lectured by my mother whilst eating ants and starting fires.

One of my mother's go-to lines was "How many times have I told you not..."

A day would not go by without having these words uttered in my direction. The point I am struggling to make is, did she really expect me to be keeping count? When I become a father, can I come-up with an alternative to getting my point across? Recalling how insolent I was as a child, I'm surprised I didn't keep count.

"Well mother, you have told me 1,296 times not to play with my food, but it is now, as it was the previous 1,295 times a moot point since I clearly do not tolerate listening to you."

Surely there are more efficient means of getting one's point across no? Perhaps I am just too literal for my own good. Regardless, there's your blog post guys, hope you're happy.

Letterz From Da Editor 4

Last week I lambasted both the TTC and The Toronto Star.

In mentioning what few talented writers there were at The Star, I forgot to mention Joe Fiorito. His columns appear in the GTA section and he has long been the voice of the city's forgotten. He lectured a class of mine years ago and I have both communicated by email to him for professional advice and simply to commend him for his great work.

In today's Star, there's a column that both shows the writer's skills and humanity, while ripping the TTC for the proposed cuts highlighted in last Monday's post.

Enjoy the article and ask yourselves, do the decision makers at the Toronto Transit Commission have hearts, or are there miniature deposit slots littered with tokens in its place

Cuts Threaten Bus Service To Toronto's Blind/Deaf Community By Joe Fiorito. January 31st 2011.

TTC Proposed Service Cuts and Fare Increases

Dear Toronto Transit Commission,

You never cease to amaze me.

Service continues to worsen. An increasing number of your staff are condescending to riders and abrasive when dealt with. The schedules posted online differ from those that are found on posts at some bus shelters.

The moment Rob Ford was elected Mayor, we knew the city's government-assisted and managed programs would start to experience cuts - we just didn't think you would cut off all our limbs and leave us to roll-about like a tumbleweed taken from a Sergio Leone Spaghetti Western.

You are such an essential resource for Torontonians, many of which live on the city's periphery areas, however you continue to reduce service to these areas during the later hours. Many of these people work in or near the city's central artery and work hours that require better service so that they may get to Islington and Albion Rds or Morningside and Sheppard Rd type destinations. You do a decent job servicing the Toronto's middle and upper class neighbourhoods, but fail other miserably.

And now of all times, amidst a period of such unreliability, you choose to propose service cuts and fare increases.

If only the assholes who are responsible for such cuts were without other means and forced to live in the aforementioned areas would you realize how badly you are fucking the people who overpay for your inadequate bullshit.

GO FUCK YOURSELVES IN THE MOST PAINFUL AND VIOLENT FASHION.

With Continued Frustration and Hatred;

The staff of badnews blog.


For a comprehensive guide to the proposed cuts and fare increases, and a list of the routes being affected, FOLLOW THIS LINK.

English Tourism: Hackney/East London Stand-Up

Professor Green's video for Jungle should be banned by London tourism officials, not that they have any trouble with tourism. Anywho, if you're on the bus to Shoreditch and you hop-off in Hackney, run for Hackney Central Station. This also applies to Walthamstow Central - Emil, Klown where y'at?

Ruminations 12.0

On the topic of time travel, I've been brainstorming with a friend who is currently enrolled in the physics program at UofT. We've been throwing ideas back and forth like a baby tossing party, attempting to determine an actual calculation to represent the amount of distance covered relative to the time travelled as discussed two posts ago.

As soon as I have a more concrete understanding of the calculations, we will have a little fun determining the schematics of it all.

One thing I didn't take into account was the spherical nature of the big blue marble we live on and how travelling east through time on an axis could result in being displaced above the earth's surface, or even worse, within the earth itself.

Interesting notions made even more interesting with the help of a spleef roughly the size of newborn's forearm.

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Kudos to today's Toronto Star sports section for its coverage of sports that don't end with 'ball'. Allocating full-pages for the Australian Open tennis, Canadian Figure Skating Championships and Short Track Speed Skating the day after the NFL Conference Finals is worth noting.

I have criticized the Star often in the past, much of it stems from an interview I had there, but also the talent they have and the fact that they more often then not fail to use it.

Much respect to Dave Feschuk for his coverage of the Raptors - it's stellar, and to Cathal Kelly for covering European soccer. Any fans of English soccer who are not mentally challenged and support a club other then Manchester United, today's piece by Kelly is a must read. Covering a socccer event locally, I met Mr. Kelly. He knows he's talented without being told as much - read between the lines if you please.

Peter Howell is also a talented film writer and Ben Rayner has chops when it comes to covering music - besides that, the paper is absolute rubbish and were it just a little softer to the touch, I wouldn't even wipe my ass with it. The New York Times inserts (Business section and Book review) are a nice touch, but it does nothing but to identify just how terrible the writing is in The Star.

For all the criticism the Toronto Sun receives, at least it knows its audience and caters to it. The Star wouldn't know its ass if it took a massive crunch in its mouth.

Here's a massive tune from Katy B for y'all to enjoy and an absolute banger from Magnetic Man feat. Katy B. Peace wardies.

Things Done Changing: Sportswriting's Platform and Ethics: Deadspin

I consider myself an ‘All-Encompassing” sports fan, in the sense that I watch sports, I play sports, I read sports and I write sports. I've seen it from both sides of the coin and am a part of something experiencing an intense period of change.

The Internet is changing the face of sports writing, where online message boards hold sports writers to loftier standards than ever before, and smaller, regional blogs are in constant search of a niche or story that will receive national exposure.

Gone are the days of scanning the morning’s sports section and combing-through numerous box scores to find the stat of choice. Online sports pages have taken the clout away from the daily paper, as an exodus of brilliant minds turn their backs on the crumbling worth of newsprint and accept the Internet for what it must be accepted as – not only the newest, but the only medium.

Throughout this period of change, Deadspin.com has been a forerunner and a catalyst, a beacon for criticism and a forum and meeting place for an ever-growing audience. I have for long been a loyal reader, and in the last few months, an approved commenter trading witty barbs amongst some of the Internets quickest sports minds.

The popularity of the site exploded this past year, with much thanks going to breaking the Brett Favre-Jenn Sterger story, made famous by cell phone pictures of the NFL’s All-Time passing leader’s bologna hammer.

Interested in how the Internet is changing sports reporting and the logistics of getting such information and sharing it with the masses? This month’s GQ features an article profiling Deadspin Editor-In-Chief A.J. Daulerio and the behind-the-scenes happenings of the web's most read sports blog. Enjoy.

Deadspin: The Worldwide Leader in Dong Shots - GQ February 2011

Thoughts On Time Travel

In the event that any of you are planning on doing a little time travelling in the coming days, I should warn you about a few things.

I've been working on some of the dynamics of time travel and the various theories as elements of a short-story I'm writing and submitting to a local competition. As with many of my past attempts at a flawless work of fiction, I often build miniature models of aspects of the story to enhance the realism and plausibility of such things taking place.

In this specific instance, using various plans found online, I've began building my own time machine.

There are several theories on time travel, some based on scientific postulates of time, matter, etc and other based on fantasy and ideals which extend beyond the understanding of science. Just last week, while tinkering with my simplistic and erudite time machine concept, I thought of something that I hadn't previously taken into account.

The Foucault Pendulum was first built by physicist Leon Foucault in 1851 as a rather simplistic means of quantitatively measuring the earth's standard rotation. Taking into account several variables, an iron sphere was hung 67m below the Pantheon in Paris, whereas the pendulum's oscillation is a measurement equal to the earth's rotation at that particular latitude. According to the movement of the pendulum and some simple math, Foucault determined that the earth rotated 11 degrees clockwise per hour.

The Foucault pendulum, despite being a simple means of measurement, can now be found in museums worldwide, and if you're in Toronto like myself, there is a brilliant sculpture of it on Yonge St. just south of York Mills, at the top of the hill and across the street from Loblaws on the west side.

Considering what we understand about the earth's clockwise rotation, if you were to travel back in time, even a relatively short time, and we assumed when you traveled back in time that your body did not change locations, then your position would change.

As an example, say you were to hear of a car striking and killing an elderly woman at a specific street corner. Taking into account a novice understanding of time travel, you and your machine would position yourself at said corner so as to go back into time and save the elderly woman from being struck by the car. The problem is, you would be in a different location than the one intended because the earth rotates clockwise. The further back in time you chose, the further away your physical body would appear because of the earth's movement.

Everybody still with me? Okay good.

Let's take this theorem and expand on it, because unfortunately, the earth's axis varies, such that the earth does fully rotate in a 24 hour span, yet as it rotates clockwise, it also dips, rotating in that direction at a much slower clip, such that the duration of a complete rotation is 365 days. This is why we have the 4 seasons, and why the equator is always the same relative temperature, and why we in the northern hemisphere enjoy summer as our friends in Australia and Africa struggle through winter.

Let's apply this concept to a rather simple example. Whether your time machine moves with you or it is stored in a static location, whereas you input the location and are thus sent back to said location, the same problem with movement based on the earth's rotation applies. For a moment, pretend that you have just run the 100 meter dash and were disappointed with your performance. Using your time machine, you travel back in time the 11 and a half seconds it took you to run the race in order to run the race again. Problem is, not only has the earth rotated eastward, it has shifted south at a minute increment, such that as the gun went off to signal the start of the race you would actually be out of your lane and disqualified as a result.

This effect, known as The Coriolis Effect, implies that bodies fall eastward, such as is the rotation and dip of the earth consistent with it's aforementioned description. Other principles also come into effect, such as The Chandler Wobble which is essentially just another variable you would need to account for when determining the location you'd assume when travelling back in time.

Perhaps if I find the time later I will quantify such measures mathematically so as to determine the shift in location relative to the time travelled and the earth's rotation. There may be some linear algebra involved so bear with me, it could take sometime. Just remember, in the event you plan on travelling back into time, take all variables into account so as to ensure a safe passage.