As I sit here on a Monday night flipping between the Federal election and the Lakers game, I thought I'd put together a few irreverent thoughts before ripping my eyes out of my skull and forever inhibiting my ability to write poignant remarks on this here gem of the internet.
First, some observations;
Why aren't there any bald bums? Homeless people always have full, lustrous heads of oily hair tucked under ragged sweat-soaked caps. This has me wondering just how beneficial the usage of shampoos and conditioners are for those who have the resources. Think of all the undocumented images we have of cavemen. Do they not all have hair as thick Brian Wilson's beard? (Not the Beach Boys Brian Wilson, I'm referring to the Giants closer who colours his with shoe polish and enjoys the company of a leather-clad gagged friend.)
Isn't he just a barrel of monkeys? If you have 8 minutes, his interview on the Jim Rome Show below is worth the time.
This guy's got more quotables than Thomas Pynchon, C.S. Lewis, Willy Shakespeare and Charles Barkley rolled into one.
Gotta love me some B Wilson - anyways, moving right along. My point is, it would seem that those who did not have access to the salt of fatty acids, also known as soap, have been fortunate enough to keep the mops on their dome pieces.
The first recorded proof of soaps was documented in 2800 BC, when Babylonians used a combination of ashes, sesame seed oil and cypress oil for the purposes of cleaning fluids from animal rendering from stones. 600 hundred years later, a recipe for soap was inscribed on a tablet listing water, alkali and cassia oil as a means of creating a soap-like substance.
Is this conundrum that much different than the car manufacturer that produces an automobile that dates itself the moment it leaves the lot, shortly encountering the inevitability of a short shelf life, only to require the owner to purchase another car. Or maybe like that douche Steve Jobs, who releases the first IPad without a USB port, only to release another one a year later with small updates, but still without a USB port? What's wrong Stevie? Afraid the IPad will minimize the necessity of those computers you've built your empire on.
Holy fucking tangent.
What's the deal with air travel?
When I was in France, awaiting a connection flight to London, I tried to sneak a nice bottle of Beaujolais I was given as a gift into my carry-on luggage. Regardless of how ignorant this may have been on my part, what is the possible harm of having a bottle of wine stowed above my head. Post 9/11 rules mandated that liquids stashed away in carry-on luggage could not exceed a volume of 50 ml's, giving purpose to tubes of toothpaste roughly the size ChapStick. The wine was clearly not an explosive, though I completely understand the importance of taking precautionary steps against potential travel hazards, but what is the difference between having this fine bottle above my head as oppose to in the belly of the plane. If the bottle should be laced with explosive materials, will it not tear through the fuselage in the same degree regardless of where it is situated?
As a sidebar, I must say passing around a nice bottle of red with strangers waiting in customs was an experience of a lifetime, as was discovering that an elderly Romanian man waiting for the same flight had a wine opener in the breast pocket of his sport coat.
In hindsight, I wonder if he managed to get on the plane with the opener.
Thanks for reading the fractured nature of my writing today and enjoy the rest of the Lakers game/federal election/Storage Wars episode.
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