Arsenal Manager Forecasts The Doom of European Markets

Say what you will about Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger's stubborn tactics and fandom of teenage prodigies, it cannot be denied that the man is one of the sharper minds in football today.

His typically thrifty spending in transfer markets derives not just from the confidence he has in home-grown academy talents, but also in fear of the developing nature of football finances and the impending threat of a crash of the European markets.

Have a quick look at the article linked below and ask yourself why you know less of economics than a football manager. In the article, Wenger attempts to draw parallels between the spending habits of clubs like Barcelona and Real Madrid and other companies whose debts are too great and possess too few liquid assets to have a legitimately healthy outlook for the future.

Arsenal Manager Forecasts The Doom of European Markets

And by the way, Arsenal @ Borussia Dortmund 2:45pm ET (Champions League Group Stages)

Au Revoir Patrick Vieira

Earlier today, one of my top 5 favourite athletes of all-time announced his retirement from football. Patrick Vieira epitomized the skill set of an Arsenal player from those trophy winning years surrounding the millenium.


The 2003-04 Gunners were captained by the lanky #4 as they went on the accomplish a never before done feat in English football - an unbeaten season for which they were heralded as 'The Invincibles'. I remember crying unabashedly the moment Vieira hoisted the League trophy that day.



He was a wizard in the midfield who had both the softest touch and a nose for goal when necessary. The longer his career continued, the further back he dropped on the pitch, cementing his legacy as a truly brilliant footballer. He fought for Arsenal and wore the Captain's armband with pride. He stood-up for his teammates and was never afraid to confront the scum and filth of the English Premier that trolled the depths of the league looking to upset Arsenal (see Patrick vs. Keano below.)



Born in Dakar, Senegal June 23rd 1976, Patrick announced his standard on the scene at Serie A side AC Milan after a year at Cannes, before playing with Arsenal from 1996 - 2005. During that period, the team won three league titles - one unbeaten - and four FA Cup titles. Since he left, the Gunners have wallowed in a trophy-less spell of 6+ years.

He won a World Cup with France in 1998 and was a member of their Euro 2000 winning campaign as well.

As a member of the mid 2000's Gunners, Vieira played a part of my favourite team ever with the likes of Thierry Henry, Freddie Ljungberg, Dennis Bergkamp, Sylvain Wiltord, Robert Pires, Robin Van Persie, Jose Antonio Reyes, Ray Parlour, Sol Campbell and dozens more.

The goal below was the last of 'The Invicibles' season, cementing a legendary accomplishment and an unbelievable performance.



Patrick finished his career playing for the likes of Inter Milan and Man City, where last year he helped the Citizens win the FA Cup as he did with the Gunners.

I will always love Patrick Vieira. The world's greatest midfielder and the man Arsenal continues to struggle to replace. He will now continue his career in football, as the Football Developement Executive at Manchester City.



I love you Patrick.

Derby Time

The English pronounce it Daar-beee, with the enthusiasm and syllabic length dependent on the number of mid-afternoon pints and glutenous spittle inducing pies.

Derbies are as much a part of the tradition of the game of football as the usage of a ball and goalposts.

The allure lies in pitting two hometown, sometimes regionally proximate clubs against each other in a battle of both clubs and passionate fan bases.

While rivalries thrive in other major professional sports, derbies are what separate soccer from the pack.

These facts are as much subjective as they are absolute; derby football cannot be matched for it's intensity and passion.

Even the subway series of 2000 between the Yankess and Mets could not compare to a chilly evening in North London with Spurs hosting Arsenal, the season hanging in the balance, as the former fight for a top 4 finish and inclusion in next annum's Champions League, the latter battling to stay within reach of Manchester United and the elusive Premiership crown.

In what proved to be the Premier League's most entertaining match of the season, Arsenal drew 3-3 with Tottenham, seemingly falling short for the title again, with United having a 6 point advantage with 5 to play. What's worse for Gunners supporters, is that another London rival, Chelsea, defeated Birmingham City to climb into a 2nd-place tie with Arsenal.

Only adding to the more than century-long rivalry between Spurs and Gunners was the importance of the match.

A derby can be identified from a distance for the consistency of tackles riddled with temerity and the reckless pursuit of the ball. Red-faced supporters scream words better left not heard by the broadcasters mics field-side and referees stand in a pit of solitude amongst the throws of insults and flagrant fouls.

Just this past weekend, Manchester City and cross-town rivals United squared-off in a hotly contested FA Cup semi-final. Even though many of the players on the pitch weren't English, and none were from Manchester, during derbies, the players assume the position of the hometown supporters and fight for a victory. Those who do not are quickly cast-off to join another club that will be more tolerant of an insolent little piece of shit Argentine.

City was victor with a 2-1 result, almost guaranteeing a trophy leading up to the final at Wembley versus minnows Stoke City.

The same applies when Newcastle and Sunderland battle for the honour of being Yorkshire's best club, or when the likes of Portsmouth, Blackpool or Southhampton knock-heads for supremacy of the South.

Sometimes these battles are more than a competition to determine the city's best, but can be an ethnic or cultural battle too. When Barcelona is pitted against Espanyol twice a Primera League season, it is the Catalans of Barcelona versus the nationalist of Spain supported by Espanyol, pitting sovereignty against nationalism.

When Inter Milan and AC Milan square-off at the shared San Siro Stadium, it is the city's original club (AC) against the one formed as a result of AC's refusal to include international players more than a century ago - hence the Internazionale name. Also in Italy, the Torino derby of Juventus vs. Torino is a case of the haves (Juve) versus the have-nots (Torino), while the Genoa - Sampdoria derby is a battle for not only the city, but also the Luigi Ferrari Stadium they share. The Rome derby featuring Roma and Lazio has oft been a lightning rod for blood-thirsty fans, reckless tackles and goalie-striking flares.

I could actually sit here all day, mentioning and analysing the various derbies contested around the world - I've only pointed-out a few of my favorites, omitting amongst others in great detail such as the 'Old Firm' between Celtic (Catholic) and Rangers (Protestant) or a favorite of mine witnessed last season first hand between Lile and Valenciennes in North-Eastern France.

As important to the game as the rules themselves, derbies continue to be a highlight for many a football fan, and more often than not, the source of a insipid taste left in the mouths of those who just witnessed their club draw with pitiful Tottenham.

Ruminations 15.0

The foreman at the local construction site hired a Newfoundlander to be in charge of supplies. Friday, before closing down, the foreman searched everywhere for the Newfie and the shipment of finishing nails they had ordered.

He searched high and low to no avail, only to arrive home and find a massive box sitting sealed in his foyer.

The foreman approached the box, only to be completely floored as the Newfie leapt from within the box, screaming "Surprise".

Often, things are lost in translation, and where one person may find humour, another person may not. Which reminds me;

Anyways, busy day today, but before I go I just wanted to impart some nuggets of wisdom for my people.

1) The Raptors are leading the NBA in first-quarter production and scoring. Considering how rubbish the team is, at first glance, this may appear a positive statistic measure of a sub-par squad.

Think again - The Raps are so shit that opposing teams don't lace their kicks until the second quarter. Patience is a virtue, and the league's other 29 teams are well aware of this.

2) Sunday's loss by Arsenal in the Carling Cup Final against lowly bottom-dwellers Birmingham City really took the wind out of my sails. Today, more than 24 hours after the ref blew the final whistle, I'm still left gutted by the result.

3) I overreacted about the whole Kendrick Perkins thing Friday. I went back and looked at some stats from 2008 when the Celtics won the championship, and Perk played only 18 minutes per.

He's a physically imposing character, but as a free agent at the end of this season, rumours had it he was looking for a contract somewhere in the range of 9 million a year. Once again, it seems in hindsight that Celtics GM and former Toronto Blue Jay Danny Ainge has made a brilliant move.

4) Finally - the other day, while sitting at the local Starbucks enjoying a cup, "Take My Breath Away" came on the digital satellite music service. After vomiting my Captain Crunch into the remains of my Caramel Macchiato, I came to the conclusion that the song is not about love and the effects it has on a woman, but on respiratory illnesses and the thousands of Canadians who experience such difficulties annually.

It had me thinking about weak-ass tunes and their ulterior meanings, such as Celine Dion's "My Heart Will Go On" and the preachy angle it takes towards promoting the cryogenic freezing of the heart.

Tomorrow, Scotty flies out to Kiev, Ukraine to work for a year. Let's all wish him a safe flight and a splendid time acclimatizing himself to the country. We'll miss ya bruh.

Things I've Learned From Footy

On Tuesday, Tottenham Hotspur kicked-off the round of 16 Champions League matches with a strong 1-0 victory against Italian league leaders AC Milan at the famed San Siro stadium.

The Spurs fielded a team filled with many a 2nd choice and also-ran, only to break the Rossoneri on the counter-attack with Aaron Lennon's blistering pace on the wing and a clinical finish from the giraffe-like Peter Crouch for a pivotal away goal in the 1st leg of a two-leg aggregate-based round.

The North London side was stubborn, finished every tackle and did a great deal to annoy the opposition. Rossoneri midfielder Gennaro Gattuso, known for his punishing tactics and his bull-in-a-china-shop grace on the pitch, was annoyed to the point of head butting Spurs assistant Joe Jordan on the pitch line at the match's conclusion.

Classy guy to say the least. His inability to control his anger was acceptable 5 years ago, as in his prime, he played a major role in Italy's World Cup win by cementing the Azzuri midfield.

Gattuso wasn't the only Milan player whose emotions raged that night. Tempers flared for many a Rossoneri following several hard tackles and the cancellation of Swede striker Zlatan Ibrahimovic's 90th minute equalizer because of a foul in the box against Hotspur centre-back Michael Dawson. It was a legit foul call, keeping in mind there are few things I despise more than Tottenham, including many a terminal illness.

Needless to say, the Italians were very emotive, more so than usual, which says a great deal about a people who rarely shy from the opportunity to express themselves, whether it be by means of language, gestures or facial expressions. This is not a generalization, but merely an observance based on watching loads of Italian football, attending a private boys high school made-up of predominantly Italians and spending time in Europe amidst many an Azzuri.

Regardless of the root or reason for such expressions, Italian footballers tend to be a microcosm of the people, rarely shying from the opportunity to plead there case with an official, hands outstretched, palms facing up to display a host of emotions.

Speaking Italian is not just about the words, but about the hand gestures and facial expressions that go along with it. It's been said that having a phone conversation with a native Sicilian can be an exercise in patience, while an Italian with a broken hand is considered to have a speech impediment.

I thoroughly enjoy such displays of emotion and thank football every day for allowing outsiders to peer-into a world where cultures are on full display, where individuals stand-out for their performances, yet regardless of ethnicity or creed, great teams are made of 11 different people joined in the commonality of winning.


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On another note, it must feel like shit being a Tottenham supporter.

Your bid for the Olympic Stadium in London was foiled by West Ham's more practical application, your club is in great form in the Premier League, only to sit in 4th and stare eyes-wide up the table at rivals Arsenal who sit in 2nd, and adding insult to injury, the day after defeating Italian leaders AC Milan, Arsenal outshines your performance by dismantling Barcelona at its on game, the team arguably considered the World's Best, EVER. Fucking Spurs.

Ruminations 14.0

Arsenal's 4-4 draw with Newcastle Saturday was one of the worst experiences of my Gunners fandom. Being accustomed to a squad that typically finishes with the fervor of a Levitra-spiked old man having his way with an inflatable partner, even Saturday's result seemed unusual.

With Manchester United losing later that day to Wolves, breaking their unbeaten streak at 29 matches, Arsenal had a brilliant opportunity to close the gap at the top of the table to two points behind Sir Alex and his band of merry d-bags.

Having gone-up 4 goals after only 26 minutes, the result seemed to be set in stone. A bad red card and an unbelievably poor penalty call in the box amidst some stagnant defensive tactics equaled 4 goals for the Geordies from Newcastle and left many a Gooner with mouths agape.

Fear not, Gunners supporters and Man U haters alike have much to be thankful for, as the EPL schedule makers have United playing both City and Chelsea in the coming days. Let's hope both results bring with them losses and compound fractures to the likes of Shrek Rooney and Dimitar Berbatov.


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On a lighter note, and by lighter I mean that in a hyperbolic sense, not literal by any means, I've recently put a few quid in a local 'Death Pool' to see if I could fatten my pockets at the expense of others. Always a fan of the utmost sense of Shadenfreude, I see no harm in profiting from other people's deaths much in the same way the U.S. has through their questionable foreign policies and the raping of the Middle East.

Joining Hugh Hefner at the apex of my Death Pool selections is that fat fuck Adam Richman from OLN's Man Vs. Food. With each episode, the portly Jewish man continues to expand horizontally while his hairline recedes like the spring tides of Georgian Bay. Using only empirical evidence, if somebody ages with each episode as if it was in intervals of 5-years, they are probably living on borrowed time.

Having said that, later this month I will be visiting my sister at school in Cleveland, where an entire episode of Man Vs. Food was filmed, and I plan on shaving a few years of my life by consuming trans fats as if they're going out of style.

Mid-Week EPL Review

Just in case some of you had to work these past few days, fear not, I have the all you need to know about the English Premier Leagues mid-week matches.

With the transfer window closing late Monday night, the first week of February marks the beginning of the stretch run for clubs in the English Premier League. At this juncture, full points become vital not only for the handful of clubs chasing the EPL crown, but also for those hoping not to be relegated at season’s end.

On Tuesday, league-leaders Manchester United trounced struggling Aston Villa 3-1 at Old Trafford to stay atop the Premier League table. More than simply 3 points for the United faithful, Wayne Rooney scored twice marking a possible return to form amidst a season of disappointing individual performances.

Arsenal remained 5 points back of United with a 2-1 win over Everton at North London’s Emirates Stadium. The Gunners came from behind following a missed offside call that resulted in a goal for Toffees striker Louis Saha. Arsenal substituted physical play for their typically flair-driven football in preparation for their mid-month Champions League tilt with All-World Spanish giants Barcelona.

Chelsea got a much needed 3 points away at Sunderland with a 4-2 victory to remain fourth in the table, with goals from Terry, Lampard, Kalou and Anelka. Record signing Fernando Torres is expected to make his debut Sunday against his former club Liverpool.

West Bromwich Albion and Wigan drew 2-2 at the Hawthornes in a match between two of the EPL’s clubs trapped in the relegation zone. Both clubs desperately needed the full 3 points.

Wednesday marked a vital performance for Liverpool, as they claimed their 3rd consecutive Premier League win with a 2-0 victory over Stoke City. New signing Luis Suarez was substituted into the match in the 63rd minute to rousing applause from supporters at Anfield, only to score an insurance marker in the 79th to ensure the victory.

Birmingham came from behind twice at home to Manchester City for 2-2 draw. With the other 3 clubs in the top 4 getting full points the previous day, City was dealt a crushing blow to its title hopes with the draw. They now sit 8 points back of cross-city rivals United with an extra game played.

Tottenham remained 3 points back of Chelsea for 4th with a 1-0 win away at Blackburn. Peter Crouch’s 4 minute goal was enough to deny a Blackburn side that fought valiantly for new manager Steve Kean.

At Craven Cottage, Fulham continued a run of good form as Damien Duff scored against his former club Newcastle for a 1-0 victory.


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Wednesday also marked the announcement by Manchester United defender Gary Neville of his retirement retroactive right the fuck now. He came through the United Academy ranks alongside the likes of David Beckham, Ryan Giggs, Paul Scholes and Nicky Butt and enjoyed plenty of success with the club in his 20 years. I've never liked the guy. That won't change now. Good riddance Gary.

That's that kids - enjoy shovelling tonight and don't forget, not only is the Super Bowl this coming Sunday, but Chelsea play Liverpool in Nando Torres' return and the Magic visit the Celtics.

Ruminations 9.0

Greetings and salutations to my devoted readers and an extended hand to those who have the virtuoso-level supplies of patience necessary to tolerate me as a real person and not a clandestine character whose identity is neatly veiled by the insipid grays of the interweb.

Here's hoping that everyone had a safe and joyful Christmas time. In case you care, or in the event that you don't, I had a wonderful Holidays spent with family, and despite my thoughts of solitude that I shared with you all prior to the break, I have no complaints...

Especially when you consider the present that was delivered on a blustery night in North East London this past Tuesday.

Arsenal 3 - 0 Chelsea

Thanks Santa. For once, I actually got something that was on my list.

Theo Walcott looked like a man possessed, and despite some early heavy touches by he and captain Cesc Fabregas, the two managed to team-up on two occasions in a two-minute second-half span that cemented the much needed result. The top of the table is tighter than a newborn stuffed with an engorged yam, made even better by Lee Bowyer's late equalizer last-night against Man United that has United, cross-town poofters City and heroic talismen Arsenal within close proximity.


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In the spirit of the scatter-brain state of Ruminations, I wanted to take but a brief moment to identify something that really pisses me right off. Previously, I've done rather well by my lofty standards to point-out some massive violations of the English language, both spoken and written. As a writer, I take pride in the words I produce and on the maintenance of a high-standard of said writing.

Sure, every once and a while, I'll publish a "having said that" or a "be that as it may", but this is my site, and I don't receive a penny per word, only an enhanced self-esteem, now similar to that of an anorexic goth-chick from a flyover state with a history of childhood abuse and glue consumption.

Having said that (piss-off), in a past piece about titled "The Death of the English Language", I identify the problem with writer's usage of cliches. Like using a vibrator during sex, there's a time and there's a place for such things.

Cliches, proverbs, popular metaphors and analogies can all do a great deal towards helping to paint a picture for a reader, but like the flogging of a dead horse, there are invisible limits which should not be traversed.

What really angers me is the usage of the word 'proverbial', as in "you hit the proverbial nail on the head". In conversation, when a term such as the aforementioned is used, unless you are literally putting a finishing nail in a ninety-degree casing while framing a home, we mutually comprehend that you are not actually striking a nail with a hammer, but instead accurately depicting or answering a query.

There is never ever ever a need to say proverbial - it is sophomoric, novice and fucking stupid.

If you choose to resort to a proverbial statement, make a concerted effort to avoid saying the word. Your friends will appreciate it.