Lebron James: Paradoxically Yours

Cut me a slice of humble pie - and while your at it - how about one for yourself.

With no consideration paid to his season and an uncharacteristically sub-par playoff performance; I think an unfair amount of unreasonable hatred has been directed towards Lebron James.

Following 'The Decision', Akron's own became a lightning rod for criticism from sports writers and fans alike. Much of this criticism was deserved immediately after the televised declaration, as Lebron's method and its representation of all that is wrong with sports became a focal point. He represented the spoiled superstar capable of holding one franchise by hold, while the jobs of front office executives and season ticket subscriptions hung in the balance for a half dozen teams vying for Lebron.

Beyond the Kornheisers and Wilbons of the world spouting vitriolic diatribes towards the man on national television, both sports fans and atheist alike found commonality in a general consensus of dislike towards Lebron. Momentum gained all the while Lebron and teammates made promises of multiple championships with generous helping of speculative cocksure.

As a collective, much of the Lebron hate surrounds his decision to join a fellow top 5 player and NBA title winner Dwyane Wade and perennial all star Chris Bosh in Miami.

For me, this is the most unfair element; we put such a great value on winning, but criticize the man for making the decision that arguably gave him the best chances to do exactly that. Bill Russell sits comfortably within the pantheon of greats; why? Because he won 11 Nba Titles, including Two as a player/coach. Part of the reason for why Jordan has been anointed the greatest of all time is because he won 6 rings in 6 opportunities and topped-it-off by winning MVP in each of those series. Recently, with Nowitzki winning his first title, conversations on sports radio and television argue whether he is a greater player than those who never hoisted the Larry O'Brien trophy like Charles Barkley and Karl Malone.

Considering how much of winning depends on variables like teammates and opposition, perhaps too much value is put on winning as both a statistical measure and a barometer for a player's legacy. Regardless, if winning is everything, I think we should give the man a break for his decision to join Miami.

Everything else is open-game - and please; don't get me wrong, ny no means am I implying that I suddenly like the guy - I don't. Let's just give the man a little extra rope to work with.

Lunar Eclipse: Live Blog

It's Lunar Eclipse time boys and girls.

A lunar eclipse occurs when the moon passes behind the earth so that the earth blocks the sun's rays from striking the moon. This can occur only when the Sun, Earth, and Moon are aligned exactly, or very closely so, with the Earth in the middle.

Initially I had trouble understanding this (obviously I'm joking), until I drew a diagram where the earth is my junk, and the sun and the moon are my two balls, where if everything is in proper order, a lunar eclipse will occur in my pants.

Because of this, there is always a full moon the night of a lunar eclipse. The type and length of an eclipse depend upon the Moon's location relative to its orbital nodes. Orbital nodes could not be metaphorically translated into the aforementioned analogy, though I'm told from a friend of a friend that I may have contracted orbital nodes once in university.

Let's take this opportunity to use the world wide web to its fullest and have ourselves a little live chat.

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1:48AM - Fuck it's bright out. Between the snow and the light emitted from the moon (yes, I'm aware the moon doesn't produce light), you'd think we're enjoying a midnight sun in southwest Ontario. Yippee.

1:54AM - Well, this is going rather swimmingly - there is nobody participating in this live chat, however, despite the lack of reaction, nay support, I continue to stare at the moon.

1:59AM - Just made popcorn. Still no participants, eclipse continues to cover the left-side of the moon, approximately a third of the way.

2:04AM - Wowzers. Briefly stopped by the loo to make water and pause for a quick, yet necessary exfoliation, only to find upon returning to the kitchen window that the moon is now half-covered. Live chat members total 1. Yours Truly.

2:20AM - Holy fuck the eclipse is really moving now - which is the complete inverse of this live blogging experiment.

2:21AM - On another subject, Mavs beat the Heat, halting their win streak at 12. Take that Lebron. Somewhere, Jamario Moon is finally smiling, as astronomers worldwide mistakenly check his twitter feed.

2:29AM - Now but a sliver of the vibrant moon remains visible. Much like my confidence, with each passing signal, the light begins to vanish like the bulb at the end of the dock in F. Scott's marquee work, slipping away through the sands of time.

2:35AM - Goodnight Moon. See you tomorrow night, hopefully as I serenade your beauty as I stumble home drunkenly with confidence momentarily regained and temporally intact.

Thanks for participating in this maiden voyage of the badnewsblog live blogging.

(italics used to imply sarcasm.)

Where Amazing Happens Sometimes: Picture Of The Year

First off, yes I am aware that the title "Where Amazing Happens Sometimes" requires a comma after the Happens. In order to modify this I would need two things I don't have a surplus of to go-back an alter the tags on all of my NBA bits; patience and time. So for the time being, it is what it is.

See all those bald, portly Jewish-looking dudes sitting on their asses underneath the baskets at NBA games? No, not Jon Lovitz sitting courtside, the other ones. The same guys that get flattened by Shaq and kicked by Dennis Rodman are there to take photos of the action taking place before them. Often the shots are mundane and indicative of the repetitive nature of the game and what transpires in the paint; white dudes getting dunked on, players leaping en mass for a rebound and homo-erotic scrums for a loose ball.

Sometimes said photographers capture brilliance. In but a week's span, two shots were captured that require noting.

The first I stumbled upon while reading Bethlehem Shoals in-depth coverage of the Miami Heat in "Heat Strokes" which my friends at Deadspin.com publish following Heat games. Shoals also writes for FreeDarko.com, which is one of my favorite sites on the interweb. They also recently published an amazing book on the subject of basketball which is a must-have for fans of the hardwood.

No, not that hardwood, if you fancy that well I can't help you, well actually I probably could, but I have my eyes on something else. Shotta!

That right there is a statement picture. Captured accidentally, it displays the "Big Three" in various stages (Yup, that's Chris Bosh marinating under his own basket - way to run the break buddy.) At the time, I thought this might be the photo of the year.

Until last night, following the Celtics win over the Knicks at MSG, whilst trolling online I found this gem. Despite the fact it's not during game action as is the above photo, find me another shot that features four teammates each in a different stage of celebration. Not sure what Nate Robinson is up to, but you have to love Garnett's Vaudeville-like pose no?

Funny how similar Paul Pierce's pose is to Mr. Wade's in the previous photo. Trust me, Pierce is very aware of this fact and enjoys being 20-4 while the rest of the league talks about the Heat.


How aware is my boy P Squared aka The Truth about the goings on around the league, following a second consecutive defeat of the Heat, he tweeted this:

"It's been a pleasure to bring my talents to south beach now on to Memphis"

Obviously trivializing LeBron's choice of words in "The Decision" to which, in reply, Heat power forward called Udonis Haslem said this:

"Paul who? Man, ain't nobody paying them dudes no attention, man. You know what studio gangster is? Look up that, look up the definition of studio gangster. I'm here to play basketball. First of all, I don't tweet. So I wouldn't know what he tweeted if you guys didn't tell me."

Damn, that makes me chuckle every time. Haslem calling Pierce a studio gangster - ouch.

Just another reason this season, like I've said numerous times before, is the best since Michael left the Bulls for the final time. The Bulls I said, fuck that 27.6 points a game with the Wizards with Tyronne Lue at the point, I don't count that rubbish.

Things Done Changing: My Opinion of Lebron

Boy, am I glad tonight is over and done with. The result may not have been the one I had initially wanted, crafted in compliance with the angry, biased and journalistic integrity-breaching built-up penned by the likes of Adrian Wojnerowski - but alas I am pleased with the outcome.

I'm not a Lebron guy, nor can I argue that he is not a physical aberration and probably the prototype of all future cloned professional basketball players. Something about him bothers me and the whole "The Decision" spectacle left a gnarley taste in my mouth probably more than it should have.

From the moment I first witnessed the King James show live and up-close, I hated the talcum-powder toss, the seemingly disingenuous smiles and the way he walked on his toes (something that is not as apparent on TV - my dislike for which is based on growing-up amongst ethnically confused boys whose fancy for 'urban wear' with soquettes and Jordan's led to an over-reliance of the metatarsals.)

Tonight I forgot all about it.

The Heat took the Cavs out-back of the shed and whipped them like they just cursed at they mamas. Lebron looked engaged, interested and motivated. It's about fucking time buddy. For Christ's sake, he dropped 24 in the third. Shit.

This could be a turning point for the Heat, but they still suck, have awkward offensive schemes and sets and are perhaps the least-balanced team in the league.

The cause of Cavs supporters, whose misfortune became a nation's point of both pity and sympathy, was erased in but one night with the chorus of boos and cruel signs.

We have felt your pain and joined you in your hatred of the smug face seen on "The Decision", but he torched your asses, decided to leave a bleak and insipid Midwestern town for the T&A of Miami and that's that. You've had your moment on the soap-box, your cries were heard, and we've had enough.

It's a sport and a business, and as fans, let's face it, sometimes we care a whole hell of a lot more than the athletes themselves.

Can you blame the pencil-pusher for jumping at the opportunity to move from the cramped cubicle to the corner office? Nope.

In the spirit of the holidays, I'm going get off the man's back and leave him be. If a dissenting opinion of the man should come-up, I'll do what the people of Cleveland should do, and keep it to myself.

NBA 2010-11 Season: The Best Thing Since Ass

If there are two things on this planet I despise, they are LeBron James and the Boston Celtics. Generally I hate all Boston franchises and their white-washed fan base of Tom Jones singing, pink jersey wearing, Tom Brady masturbatorial inspiration douchery.

Next Tuesday, LeBron and his new bunk-buddies the Miami Heat square-off against the Celtics in the opening game of the 2010-11 NBA season and I could not be more excited.

Considering how many vitriolic statements I've made towards the Celtics, it may surprise you that I am actually disregarding my past hatred to throw my complete support behind the Celtics Tuesday (there is nobody as surprised as my ex, who is a massive Kevin Garnett and Celtics fan. I once bought her a KG shirt and nearly vomited as I handed the cashier my money - however I must point-out I drew wood every time she made an NBA related anecdote.) Furthermore, since Queen James and the Heat are the odds-on-favorite to win the Eastern Conference and dethrone Doc Rivers and his boys, and my hometown team, the Raptors look to be nothing more than a skeleton of their former selves, I will be supporting the Celtics this year in hopes they destroy Miami.

I offer three postulates for why this match-up and season-long battle will be the best story in the NBA's best season since Michael torched the Utah Jizz in 1998.

Dwanye, Chris and a Pussy. An entrance fit for a professional wrestler - soooo gay

1) As previously stated on this very blog, I hate LeBron James because he pussied-out and signed with Miami. A true champion a la Kobe, Michael, Magic or Larry Legend would never compromise their standing as an absolute killer to join a team because their collected worth seemed destined for greatness. True champions are pioneers, not followers.

The result of the bow tie selection was not as slimming as initially thought.

2) Boston's off season signings were made to defeat Miami and expose their weaknesses. Celtic's GM Danny Ainge could not give a fuck about the rest of the Eastern Conference. Where Miami's strength is in their perimeter play with James and Dwanye Wade, new South Beacher Chris Bosh will have trouble not being brutally raped each night alongside center Joel Anthony - who is Canadian - need I say more?

Because of this apparent weakness, Ainge went out and not only signed 7-footer Jermaine O'Neal, but also his namesake, and generally one of my favorites, the Big Aristotle, Shaquille O'Neal. The addition of these two to a frontcourt that already features future Hall Of Famer Kevin Garnett, 7-foot defensive specialist Kendrick Perkins and Glen 'Big Baby' Davis should spell disaster for the Heat. I can't wait to see Shaq take a massive dump on Bosh's chest while he dangles nearly 400 hundred pounds of blackness from the rim.

With PhotoShop, any moms can bang a baller. Gloria seen here carousing with Delonte at a Cleveland area club.

3) Finally, the main reason why I am really pumped for this match-up, LeBron's mom is a slut. During last year's playoffs, LeBron and the Cavs had a commanding lead on the Celtics, until games 5 and 6, when LeBron apparently gave-up and shit the bed. There has been much speculation as to why, but the most likely scenario is a rumour that has gained a fair deal of momentum online. Legitimate sports media broadcasters have made only subtle references to it, but the fact remains, LeBron's ex-teammate in Cleveland, Delonte West, had an affair with LeBron's mother Gloria James. Don't believe me? Google that shit - it's true.

Apparently, the secret affair between Gloria and Delonte was uncovered in the hours leading-up to game 5, and at that exact moment, LeBron stopped giving a fuck about Cleveland and the empire he had built there. You may be asking yourself 'why is this relevant to the Heat-Celtics match-up'? Well, because Celtic front-office maestro Danny Ainge signed Mr. West to play back-up point guard. This was clearly a move to frustrate LeBron, since Boston's starting point guard Rajon Rondo is an All-Star and back-up Nate Robinson proved his worth in last year's playoffs and the need for another point guard is clearly not required. Perhaps Mr. Ainge has wisely found the kryptonite to LeBron's SuperWoman. Genius move.

Can't wait for Tuesday night.

LeBron James Is An Idiot

Allow yesterday's post about what's positive in sports be an anomaly of sorts, because today we will revert back to identifying all things negative - and what better way to show the ugly side of professional sports than by highlighting LeBron's comments from earlier today.

Anybody that knows me personally or has read this site is aware of my distaste for LeBron James. It's not that I hate the person, but that I hate the fact that he is the most talented and skilled basketball player in the history of the game, but lacks the mental tenacity and killer instinct necessary to place him atop the pedestal of greatness amongst a pantheon of stars.

Earlier today, LeBron and his 'brilliant' manager/homey Maverick Carter released a statement claiming that much of the backlash surrounding his 'Decision' broadcast and the subsequent news was racially motivated. LeBron claims that his decision to take his talents to Miami and the nationally broadcasted hour-long show which he used as a platform was so negatively received because he was black. Let's get something straight here Mr. James - the backlash was not because you are black, it's because you embarrassed the city that raised you and the only team you've known. Identifying something as based on the colour of one's skin is so 1960's and has no place in a sport dominated by African-American athletes.

Perhaps a comparison would help. Indianapolis Colts quarterback and Super Bowl Champion Peyton Manning is arguably his sport's biggest star. He is well-spoken, humorously self-depricating (see Saturday Night Live) and a wonderful role model for children. He is also white. Not just white, but we're talking the love child of L.L. Bean and Betty Crocker white. If he were to entertain the prospects of leaving the Colts via free agency, only to broadcast his decision to leave Indianapolis for greener pastures, you bet your life the city would be pissed and burn his jerseys a la LeBron's #23 Cavs kit.

Their reaction would have absolutely nothing to do with race. The reason the people of Cleveland are pissed at LeBron is because the city is an absolute hole riddled with terrible sports franchises like the Indians and Browns, and he was their saviour. He put the team on his back and led the to an NBA Final. He was a product of nearby Akron, Ohio and the city of Cleveland embraced him as their saviour.

There is nothing wrong with leaving via free-agency, but to do so by embarrassing the place you called home is why you have received such a negative reaction and why your brand image has been hurt in the process. It has absolutely nothing to do with race, and as long as professional athletes cower behind the veil of race relations, many people will not be able to look beyond it. It's your call Mr. James, we're clearly all paying close attention.

NBA Preview: Why Me No Like LeBron.

As I stare at this photo of LBJ about to lock lips with Damon Jones, now I realize why LeBron decided to take his talents to a sexually-liberal city like Miami. Cleveland's state flower is the 'No Homo'.

1) He embarrassed himself, ESPN and the city of Cleveland with that stupid 'Decision' program that left everyone wondering who exactly consults him on such matters. His High School teammate and CEO of his management firm Maverick Carter clearly has one client and will be working at Denny's slinging Grand Slams by year-end.

2) LeBron refuses to marry his baby-mama (the mother of his children for those caucasian readers whose births pre-date the first season of MASH.) She's had two baby giants run-through the confines of her birth-canal, stretching her like a animal hide used to make drums, yet he still will not marry the woman.

3) He named one of his boys Bryce. Quick, imagine you're a black kid - think of another name that screams white-boy more than Bryce? Imagine growing-up with a name like that. I pity the fool.


"Hey 'Bron, while you're down there, BJ for a ring, I've got 5"

4) For all his raw talent and unbelievable physical advantages, he lacks the killer instinct. Perhaps he cannot be faulted for lacking the one element that seperates the Jordans and Kobes from the Wince Carters of the NBA, but don't annoint yourself the 'Chosen One' only to sign with Miami to play second fiddle to Dwayne Wade, who has already brought a title to the city.

5) LeBron is soft. Sure, he's built like an outside linebacker and has the hops of a Leffe Blonde, but his antics before games and his post-game hugs and chats with the opposition make me sick. When Jordan ran the league, he would drop 50 on you, shit in your mouth and maybe throw a half-ass high-five your way post-game. These days, LeBron is the epitome of whats wrong with the league - these guys don't want to embarass each other, they want to discuss their new Hip Hop record labels or where the best place to get laid in Milwaukee is. If I was built like LeBron, I would be dunking on anything that moved and eating their children.