Athletes That Need More Love: Kara Lang

While we're on the topic of Canadian athletes - or at least this post is, which not so coincidentally was written in close proximity to the piece about the Conacher Award - Canadian Soccer player Kara Lang announced her retirement from the game yesterday at the age of 24.



Following two torn anterior cruciate ligaments (the ever-popular ACL, next door neighbour to it's pal the mediocolateral cruciate ligament), Lang opted for early retirement rather then face the possibility of walking on a prosthetic knee before her 30th birthday. Since making her debut for the Women's National Team at the tender age of 14, the doe-eyed striker was a favorite of mine for more reasons than her 30+ goals in 90 international caps.

Before you sigh, kiss your teeth or snap y'all dirty-ass fingers at me and pass judgement, she's pretty, that's it. Can't say it didn't hurt my interest in following her playing career, but is it even wrong to mention how attractive a female athlete is? Nope. Would you... you know, hit that? Even further, is it unrealistic to say that hypothetically, the WNBA could use a player as physically beautiful as she is talented to draw attention to a small fish in a big-ass ocean of professional sports? Naaaan.

Last night, I caught a clip of her press conference, and couldn't help but feel bad for her having to retire but 6 months from a World Cup in Germany, where along with the host nation and a typically strong American side, the Canadians will be one of a handful of favorites following a surprise 1st place result at the CONCACAF Gold Cup. Retiring at 24 is the dream shared by fictional Atlantic Canadian Trailer Park residents, not that of an athlete who may have only scratched the surface of her potential.

Deep within the clouded recesses of my mind, I think as a child I was attracted to a girl that looked similar to Lang in that tomboyish/wanna-have-sex-in-7th-grade things going on kind of way. Back in the day, which for me quantifies birth to the first day of university, I had a penchant for sexy, lanky and long-legged women.

I can faintly hear the cries of the common feminist; "Oh no he didn't, trying to be all pro-fesshaanal and what not, talkin' bout Kara Lang like she a piece o' meat or somethin'".

You know what Trick - Shut yo mouf! People like attractive people. That's why attractive people partner with other attractive people. Don't hate me because I both highlight her athletic acumen and her long-ass legs. Women who watch sports cannot deny that they don't at worst take notice of an attractive male athlete, if not becoming partial to his game because of his chiseled jaw, slick fade and likely absurd junk. My ex loves the Celtics, most notably Kevin Garnett. She's a smart woman and she knows good game. Good game don't lie. KG plays with a passion and defensive tenacity that has him in very select company amongst the NBA's best. She also wouldn't mind having his chop-stick looking-like muthafuckin' ass in between her sheets. Dude's 6'11" - he is obviously hung like a T-Rex. I bet Jose Calderon's doesn't compare to a Raptor's, he's rocking tapas-like proportions bruh - No Hobo

Here's hoping the best for Ms. Lang with her post-playing days - if you read this, in a most surreptitious manner, place an OMG sandwiched between your favorite punctuation below, I'll know it's you simply by virtue of the fact that you'll be the lone commentator.


[In defiance of the oldest rule of football, Lang is seen here holding the ball in the same fashion she will hold our yet to be born child, as of this moment named Adidas, regardless of gender.]

Where Amazing Happens Sometimes: Picture Of The Year

First off, yes I am aware that the title "Where Amazing Happens Sometimes" requires a comma after the Happens. In order to modify this I would need two things I don't have a surplus of to go-back an alter the tags on all of my NBA bits; patience and time. So for the time being, it is what it is.

See all those bald, portly Jewish-looking dudes sitting on their asses underneath the baskets at NBA games? No, not Jon Lovitz sitting courtside, the other ones. The same guys that get flattened by Shaq and kicked by Dennis Rodman are there to take photos of the action taking place before them. Often the shots are mundane and indicative of the repetitive nature of the game and what transpires in the paint; white dudes getting dunked on, players leaping en mass for a rebound and homo-erotic scrums for a loose ball.

Sometimes said photographers capture brilliance. In but a week's span, two shots were captured that require noting.

The first I stumbled upon while reading Bethlehem Shoals in-depth coverage of the Miami Heat in "Heat Strokes" which my friends at Deadspin.com publish following Heat games. Shoals also writes for FreeDarko.com, which is one of my favorite sites on the interweb. They also recently published an amazing book on the subject of basketball which is a must-have for fans of the hardwood.

No, not that hardwood, if you fancy that well I can't help you, well actually I probably could, but I have my eyes on something else. Shotta!

That right there is a statement picture. Captured accidentally, it displays the "Big Three" in various stages (Yup, that's Chris Bosh marinating under his own basket - way to run the break buddy.) At the time, I thought this might be the photo of the year.

Until last night, following the Celtics win over the Knicks at MSG, whilst trolling online I found this gem. Despite the fact it's not during game action as is the above photo, find me another shot that features four teammates each in a different stage of celebration. Not sure what Nate Robinson is up to, but you have to love Garnett's Vaudeville-like pose no?

Funny how similar Paul Pierce's pose is to Mr. Wade's in the previous photo. Trust me, Pierce is very aware of this fact and enjoys being 20-4 while the rest of the league talks about the Heat.


How aware is my boy P Squared aka The Truth about the goings on around the league, following a second consecutive defeat of the Heat, he tweeted this:

"It's been a pleasure to bring my talents to south beach now on to Memphis"

Obviously trivializing LeBron's choice of words in "The Decision" to which, in reply, Heat power forward called Udonis Haslem said this:

"Paul who? Man, ain't nobody paying them dudes no attention, man. You know what studio gangster is? Look up that, look up the definition of studio gangster. I'm here to play basketball. First of all, I don't tweet. So I wouldn't know what he tweeted if you guys didn't tell me."

Damn, that makes me chuckle every time. Haslem calling Pierce a studio gangster - ouch.

Just another reason this season, like I've said numerous times before, is the best since Michael left the Bulls for the final time. The Bulls I said, fuck that 27.6 points a game with the Wizards with Tyronne Lue at the point, I don't count that rubbish.