[Geneva] A report out of Switzerland suggests that FIFA is planning to surrepticiously appoint a new member to its Ethics Committee in time for the investigations surrounding allegations of bribery for President Sepp Blatter and his main rival, Mohamed Bin Hammam.
Blatter, Bin Hammam and president of the CONCACAF conferation, Jack Warner, have been targeted in an investigation following a report by Chuck Blazer, a fellow member of the committee.
In hopes to quash the allegations and rumours of misconduct and corruption, FIFA has presented a shortlist of possible appointees to the Ethics Committee. The Committee, formed in 2006, hopes to determine the truth behind possible violations of several stipulations of FIFA's Ethics Code.
The Committee is comprised of 13 members who act independantly of the organization to provide a system of checks and balances.
The list features the names of several prominent leaders who have been fingered for their principles and ethical values. Of the 8 nominees, 7 are well-known, with the final being an unknown darkhorse of sorts.
The list of possible appointees as presented by FIFA;
Julius Caesar Augustus Germanicus (AKA Caligula)(Roman)
General Augusto Pinochet (Chile)
Dick Ebersol (Ex-NBC Sports Boss)
Pontius Pilate (The Anti-Jesus)
Ferdinand Marcos (Phillipines)
Bernie Madoff (Federal Correctional Facility)
Robert Mugabe (Zimbabwe)
Mohamed "MoneyBags" Blatter (Swiss/Qatar)
FIFA has informed the media that the results of the internal vote will be presented next Monday following a bake sale on behalf of Sepp Blatter's legal fees for sexual assault allegations.
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Friday, May 27, 2011
The Death of the English Language: Dangling Modifiers
An element of the English language that can be as equally as entertaining as it can be frustrating is the implementation and confusion surrounding Dangling Modifiers.
Most commonly, dangling modifiers, also known as a dangling participles, are a result of an unattached present participle in a sentence, fragmented by the placement of a comma. Being a bit of a punctuation whore, I often encounter sentences where a dangling modifier exist, which to the trained eye can lead to chuckles accompanied later by sighs and frustration.
How about an example;
"When slathered in spicy mustard and topped with sauerkraut, nobody can deny the sanctity of a grilled hot dog."
In this instance, the notion following the comma should apply directly to that before the punctuation. The careless mispositioned words in this case implies that the person (nobody) is slathered in spicy mustard and topped with sauerkraut - which from personal experience, I must add, requires both goggles and an industrial strength gag reflex.
A simple means of avoiding such obstacles would be to make certain that the word which follows the comma applies directly to the idea in the previous sentence.
"When slathered in spicy mustard and topped with sauerkraut, a grilled hot dog is an item of the utmost sanctity that nobody can deny."
Not perfect, yet still exponentially better than the its first incarnation.
Let's have a look at another example;
"In addition to being affordable and lightweight, Michael claims that midgets are perfect for families of any size."
According to this sentence, the dangling modifier suggests that Michael is affordable and lightweight, which in my case, would be incorrect as only 1 of the 2 apply.
In order to have a decent understanding of dangling modifiers and the confusion that often arises from their usage, we must first acknowledge the exceptions. Several participle phrases perform the exact same function as a preposition or conjunction, including; concerning, generally speaking, judging and speaking of amongst others.
Many great writers have used sentences that feature dangling modifiers, not because they are poor at their craft, but because often the mispositioned participles reads better than the corrected version.
The purpose of this blog is not to lambaste those that use them or imply that they are novice writers, but to point out that often, sentences with dangling modifiers may suggest something the writer may have not have intended all together.
Most commonly, dangling modifiers, also known as a dangling participles, are a result of an unattached present participle in a sentence, fragmented by the placement of a comma. Being a bit of a punctuation whore, I often encounter sentences where a dangling modifier exist, which to the trained eye can lead to chuckles accompanied later by sighs and frustration.
How about an example;
"When slathered in spicy mustard and topped with sauerkraut, nobody can deny the sanctity of a grilled hot dog."
In this instance, the notion following the comma should apply directly to that before the punctuation. The careless mispositioned words in this case implies that the person (nobody) is slathered in spicy mustard and topped with sauerkraut - which from personal experience, I must add, requires both goggles and an industrial strength gag reflex.
A simple means of avoiding such obstacles would be to make certain that the word which follows the comma applies directly to the idea in the previous sentence.
"When slathered in spicy mustard and topped with sauerkraut, a grilled hot dog is an item of the utmost sanctity that nobody can deny."
Not perfect, yet still exponentially better than the its first incarnation.
Let's have a look at another example;
"In addition to being affordable and lightweight, Michael claims that midgets are perfect for families of any size."
According to this sentence, the dangling modifier suggests that Michael is affordable and lightweight, which in my case, would be incorrect as only 1 of the 2 apply.
In order to have a decent understanding of dangling modifiers and the confusion that often arises from their usage, we must first acknowledge the exceptions. Several participle phrases perform the exact same function as a preposition or conjunction, including; concerning, generally speaking, judging and speaking of amongst others.
Many great writers have used sentences that feature dangling modifiers, not because they are poor at their craft, but because often the mispositioned participles reads better than the corrected version.
The purpose of this blog is not to lambaste those that use them or imply that they are novice writers, but to point out that often, sentences with dangling modifiers may suggest something the writer may have not have intended all together.
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Ruminations 20.0
Greetings and salutations my friends - today I am in an inexplicably foul mood, where more often than not, I resort to ventilating all of the negativity buried deep within the bowels of my soul.
As it sit here, within the hallowed walls of my room, pondering my existence, staring at two boiled hot dogs adorned with Kraft singles, I wonder why some people are employed to butcher the english language, whilst I sit uncomfortably, plugging away at an existence that may prove to be as fruitful as placing my reproductive loins in a paper shredder.
Nonetheless, I continue in my plight, striving to be the best that I can be. On that note, why the fuck do some writers suck at their jobs so fucking much.
I read something yesterday in one of our city's major newspapers that made my blood boil into a delightful reduction. On more than one occasion, I have gone out of my way to call out this paper that will remain anonymous today, only because sometimes I even irritate myself with the grating soliloques spewed upon these pages.
The author was attempting to describe a person using a ladder for the purposes of a rescue.
Simply put, a person cannot climb down an object, as climbing implies only going upward. Because of this, saying that a person is 'climbing up' an object is equally as novice and infuriating as it would be to say that a person is 'climbing down a ladder'.
It's a rather simple error, that only a trained eye would catch, but it is an error nontheless. An error that went unnoticed by the writer, and even worse, flew below the radar of the copy editor.
Just wanted to share that with you, my beloved concubine of aspiring wordsmith, in hopes that we can all make an effort not to write stupid shit.
As it sit here, within the hallowed walls of my room, pondering my existence, staring at two boiled hot dogs adorned with Kraft singles, I wonder why some people are employed to butcher the english language, whilst I sit uncomfortably, plugging away at an existence that may prove to be as fruitful as placing my reproductive loins in a paper shredder.
Nonetheless, I continue in my plight, striving to be the best that I can be. On that note, why the fuck do some writers suck at their jobs so fucking much.
I read something yesterday in one of our city's major newspapers that made my blood boil into a delightful reduction. On more than one occasion, I have gone out of my way to call out this paper that will remain anonymous today, only because sometimes I even irritate myself with the grating soliloques spewed upon these pages.
The author was attempting to describe a person using a ladder for the purposes of a rescue.
Simply put, a person cannot climb down an object, as climbing implies only going upward. Because of this, saying that a person is 'climbing up' an object is equally as novice and infuriating as it would be to say that a person is 'climbing down a ladder'.
It's a rather simple error, that only a trained eye would catch, but it is an error nontheless. An error that went unnoticed by the writer, and even worse, flew below the radar of the copy editor.
Just wanted to share that with you, my beloved concubine of aspiring wordsmith, in hopes that we can all make an effort not to write stupid shit.
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Lance Armstrong EPO Allegations: Turning a Blind Eye
Whether or not you caught tonight's episode of 60 Minutes, if you're a sports fan you've likely heard of American professional cyclist Tyler Hamilton's admission that he used performance enhancing drugs while competing both internationally as a member of the United States national team and as a rider for various teams.
During tonight's episode, which features the aforementioned admissions which were leaked earlier last week, Hamilton not only admits his faults, but also points the finger at one of the most influential athletes of this generation; Lance Armstrong.
Lance's 7 Tour De France victories are as great of an accomplishment as was his fight with cancer and the millions of people worldwide inspired by his battle, and subsequently the 'Livestrong' campaign responsible for the widespread popularity of yellow armbands.
Hamilton and Armstrong were teammates for the United States Postal team during Armstrong's victories in 1999, 2000 and 2001. He claims that he witnessed Armstrong using EPO, a controversial and popular enhancement drug used by cyclists.
While many would consider Hamilton's admissions to be a testament of his integrity, I question the purpose of pointing the finger at Armstrong, a man whose struggle transcended the very sport he competed in, a sport ripe with positive drug tests and even more allegations, a sport whose profile grew exponentially in the U.S. because of his conquests and a man whose suffering motivated countless of people worldwide to fight the symptoms of cancer and overcome whatever obstacles may present themselves as a result of the illness.
I commend Hamilton for returning the Gold Medal he won at the 2004 Olympics, but the initial test was found to have traces, and were it not for the fact the second test sample was accidentally frozen, he would have lost his medals then, 7 years before tonight's admission of guilt.
Acclaimed author and Detroit Free Press columnist Mitch Albom (Tuesdays With Morrie), echoes many of the sentiments I've expressed above with this short clip courtesy of ESPN. A man so well versed in humanizing professional sports once again conveys the importance of turning a blind eye to certain violations for the greater good.
Last week, another former teammate of Armstrong's and fellow professional American rider George Hincapie came-out and announced that he too had seen Lance inject himself with something thought to have been EPO. As in with the Hamilton case, though Hincapie's statement is not a self-serving as the brash Hamilton's, it brings to mind the same question.
Even if Lance Armstrong had taken drugs like many of the world's greatest riders, including my favourite Ivan Basso from CSC, who was suspended for his usage, does his accomplishments both on and off the roads perform a greater good than that of any other athlete of our time.
More so, the prevalence of performance enhancing drugs in cycling should come as little surprise to those that follow the sport like yours truly. A grueling and debilitating exhibition that often requires consecutive day's worth of 200km+ rides through mountainous terrain, dangerously breaching the limits of physical constraints and VO2 Max. Because of such conditions, riders and their coaches and managers are in a constant search of new means of improving their performances. Blood doping sounds like a terrible procedure, but really it's only allowing the riders blood to become more oxygenated, thus improving stamina, and as a result, performance.
It can be considered a double standard of sorts to fault one person, yet not another, but is it that wrong to turn a blind eye when the accused has been both an idol and a role model to countless people and the face of American cycling?
Perhaps so more reasoning on the parts of Mr. Hincapie and Hamilton would have been more beneficial than the lack of foresight they displayed with their admissions and allegations.
During tonight's episode, which features the aforementioned admissions which were leaked earlier last week, Hamilton not only admits his faults, but also points the finger at one of the most influential athletes of this generation; Lance Armstrong.
Lance's 7 Tour De France victories are as great of an accomplishment as was his fight with cancer and the millions of people worldwide inspired by his battle, and subsequently the 'Livestrong' campaign responsible for the widespread popularity of yellow armbands.
Hamilton and Armstrong were teammates for the United States Postal team during Armstrong's victories in 1999, 2000 and 2001. He claims that he witnessed Armstrong using EPO, a controversial and popular enhancement drug used by cyclists.
While many would consider Hamilton's admissions to be a testament of his integrity, I question the purpose of pointing the finger at Armstrong, a man whose struggle transcended the very sport he competed in, a sport ripe with positive drug tests and even more allegations, a sport whose profile grew exponentially in the U.S. because of his conquests and a man whose suffering motivated countless of people worldwide to fight the symptoms of cancer and overcome whatever obstacles may present themselves as a result of the illness.
I commend Hamilton for returning the Gold Medal he won at the 2004 Olympics, but the initial test was found to have traces, and were it not for the fact the second test sample was accidentally frozen, he would have lost his medals then, 7 years before tonight's admission of guilt.
Acclaimed author and Detroit Free Press columnist Mitch Albom (Tuesdays With Morrie), echoes many of the sentiments I've expressed above with this short clip courtesy of ESPN. A man so well versed in humanizing professional sports once again conveys the importance of turning a blind eye to certain violations for the greater good.
Last week, another former teammate of Armstrong's and fellow professional American rider George Hincapie came-out and announced that he too had seen Lance inject himself with something thought to have been EPO. As in with the Hamilton case, though Hincapie's statement is not a self-serving as the brash Hamilton's, it brings to mind the same question.
Even if Lance Armstrong had taken drugs like many of the world's greatest riders, including my favourite Ivan Basso from CSC, who was suspended for his usage, does his accomplishments both on and off the roads perform a greater good than that of any other athlete of our time.
More so, the prevalence of performance enhancing drugs in cycling should come as little surprise to those that follow the sport like yours truly. A grueling and debilitating exhibition that often requires consecutive day's worth of 200km+ rides through mountainous terrain, dangerously breaching the limits of physical constraints and VO2 Max. Because of such conditions, riders and their coaches and managers are in a constant search of new means of improving their performances. Blood doping sounds like a terrible procedure, but really it's only allowing the riders blood to become more oxygenated, thus improving stamina, and as a result, performance.
It can be considered a double standard of sorts to fault one person, yet not another, but is it that wrong to turn a blind eye when the accused has been both an idol and a role model to countless people and the face of American cycling?
Perhaps so more reasoning on the parts of Mr. Hincapie and Hamilton would have been more beneficial than the lack of foresight they displayed with their admissions and allegations.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Ruminations 19.0
In lieu of the fact I can't think of anything brilliant to say, let me use my soap box once more as a means of venting a little.
Tyler, the Creator has quickly supplanted himself as a new, refreshing voice in the hip hop world, blending west coast skate culture and obscene lyrics. His Odd Future collective were the darlings of this year's SXSW music bonanza in Austin, Texas, catering perfectly to the insatiable desires of the hipster crowd.
Calgary duo Tegan and Sara recently were quoted as saying they are frustrated by his the vulgarity of his sexist and homophobic statements, calling for some ethics in the hip hop world. The two openly gay singers are only stoking the same fire that has led to Tyler's meteoric rise to fame.
Are we so ignorant that we take hip hop lyrics personally? A craft built on storytelling with a backbone of lies and deceit could not be in itself morally responsible could it? Are Tegan and Sara doing nothing more than providing fuel for his fire, helping spread his name by criticizing his message?
Take a moment and do what I've attempted to do on a few occasions here with my 'Things I've Learned From Rap Music' installments - when we focus too much on the message, are we not forgetting the entire purpose?
Marshall Mcluhan's Medium is The Message stance could not ring more true.
Tyler, the Creator has quickly supplanted himself as a new, refreshing voice in the hip hop world, blending west coast skate culture and obscene lyrics. His Odd Future collective were the darlings of this year's SXSW music bonanza in Austin, Texas, catering perfectly to the insatiable desires of the hipster crowd.
Calgary duo Tegan and Sara recently were quoted as saying they are frustrated by his the vulgarity of his sexist and homophobic statements, calling for some ethics in the hip hop world. The two openly gay singers are only stoking the same fire that has led to Tyler's meteoric rise to fame.
Are we so ignorant that we take hip hop lyrics personally? A craft built on storytelling with a backbone of lies and deceit could not be in itself morally responsible could it? Are Tegan and Sara doing nothing more than providing fuel for his fire, helping spread his name by criticizing his message?
Take a moment and do what I've attempted to do on a few occasions here with my 'Things I've Learned From Rap Music' installments - when we focus too much on the message, are we not forgetting the entire purpose?
Marshall Mcluhan's Medium is The Message stance could not ring more true.
Monday, May 16, 2011
Debunking The Jose Bautista Phenomenon
Blue Jays everyman Jose Bautista has been ripping the cover off the ball for a little more than a year now. What was once a promising career of an early round Pittsburgh Pirates draft pick, fizzled until being traded to the Blue Jays prior to the 2008 season.
Initially, Bautista's play showed some promise and the potential to meet the expectations that baseball insiders and scouts alike shared when he was on the cusp of Major League Baseball.
Following two seasons with the Jays that typified the standard of a league average player, Bautista broke-out in 2010 to lead baseball in home runs with 54. Were it not for his .267 avg., he would have likely won the American League MVP award as well.
Thus far, Bautista has 16 home runs in 41 games played, 4 more than the nearest competitor and 2 less than the Minnesota Twins have as a club. Initial speculation that Bautista is simply the next in line of hundreds of players to tarnish the game with use of performance enhancing drugs was quickly put to rest through analysis of the numbers.
The following chart courtesy of Beyond The Boxscore and SB NATION analyses his last 3 seasons and the data from this year, to show that he is hitting the ball to left field more than ever, has a better b to strike and walks to strikeout ratio and ground ball to fly ball ratio.
His meteoric rise is due only to better patience at the plate and an understanding of what his skills are, and where his weaknesses exist.
Click on the graph below in the event you wish to actually read the size 2 font.
In the last few years, baseball has enjoyed a bit of a renaissance because of the influx of sabremetrics and the sports nerds that follow them. When Oakland A's General Manager Billy Beane changed the face of the game by instituting the Moneyball scheme, he also changed the way statisticians put value on certain stats.
Beane's novel approach identified that there was more to constructing a winning team than great pitching and power hitters. You need speed, strong defense, a blend of ground ball and fly ball pitchers. Such skills could be found for cheap, and with that, scouting staffs began to multiply and many ex-player General Managers were replaced by MIT grads and the like such as Tampa Bay Rays GM Andrew Friedman.
Now, defensive measures and stats like VORP and Wins Over Replacement (WOR) have found a place alongside the like of the RBI and ERA. After all, just how indicative is the RBI statistic of the value of a player. It's easy for Yankees first bagger Mark Teixeira to bat in 100 runs when he's batting behind the likes of Alex Rodriguez, but what about the player that bats well but simply does not have anybody on base ever? See what I'm getting at?
Talk about running off on a tangent. The point was that Jose Bautista is this year's front runner for MVP, and regardless of which statistical measure you fancy, they'll all indicate the same thing.
Initially, Bautista's play showed some promise and the potential to meet the expectations that baseball insiders and scouts alike shared when he was on the cusp of Major League Baseball.
Following two seasons with the Jays that typified the standard of a league average player, Bautista broke-out in 2010 to lead baseball in home runs with 54. Were it not for his .267 avg., he would have likely won the American League MVP award as well.
Thus far, Bautista has 16 home runs in 41 games played, 4 more than the nearest competitor and 2 less than the Minnesota Twins have as a club. Initial speculation that Bautista is simply the next in line of hundreds of players to tarnish the game with use of performance enhancing drugs was quickly put to rest through analysis of the numbers.
The following chart courtesy of Beyond The Boxscore and SB NATION analyses his last 3 seasons and the data from this year, to show that he is hitting the ball to left field more than ever, has a better b to strike and walks to strikeout ratio and ground ball to fly ball ratio.
His meteoric rise is due only to better patience at the plate and an understanding of what his skills are, and where his weaknesses exist.
Click on the graph below in the event you wish to actually read the size 2 font.
In the last few years, baseball has enjoyed a bit of a renaissance because of the influx of sabremetrics and the sports nerds that follow them. When Oakland A's General Manager Billy Beane changed the face of the game by instituting the Moneyball scheme, he also changed the way statisticians put value on certain stats.
Beane's novel approach identified that there was more to constructing a winning team than great pitching and power hitters. You need speed, strong defense, a blend of ground ball and fly ball pitchers. Such skills could be found for cheap, and with that, scouting staffs began to multiply and many ex-player General Managers were replaced by MIT grads and the like such as Tampa Bay Rays GM Andrew Friedman.
Now, defensive measures and stats like VORP and Wins Over Replacement (WOR) have found a place alongside the like of the RBI and ERA. After all, just how indicative is the RBI statistic of the value of a player. It's easy for Yankees first bagger Mark Teixeira to bat in 100 runs when he's batting behind the likes of Alex Rodriguez, but what about the player that bats well but simply does not have anybody on base ever? See what I'm getting at?
Talk about running off on a tangent. The point was that Jose Bautista is this year's front runner for MVP, and regardless of which statistical measure you fancy, they'll all indicate the same thing.
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Book Of The Week: Ross King's The Judgment Of Paris
Before we get started today, allow me to apologize both on behalf of my incredibly busy schedule these past few days and for blogger.com, whose network was down for two days, seriously impeding my ability to communicate with the insatiable throngs of band news blog supporters.
As many of you know, I use this blog as a platform for various purposes, one of which is to share with the readers some of the better books that I've read. All of the previous entries in The Book Of The Week Club are publications I stand by and mention in hopes that others will give it the old college try. This week's installment is no different.
Ross King's The Judgment of Paris depicts 1860's and 70's Paris, a 20-year period that was unquantifiable in influence in terms of the arts. Amidst scorn from art critics and fans alike, many of the biggest impressionist painters of the time were beginning to display works that were a massive change from the standards of the time.
The title of King's book is not to be confused with Ruben's famous painting of the same title, which in terms of the context of this book, is quite relevant in itself.
King's research is impeccable and the text is at times so dense it requires a second reading. His true skill is in depicting a time with such complexities that you can envisage yourself walking the streets of Batignolles neighbourhood of Paris with Edouard Manet, his colleague, the famous writer Anton Proust and their band of top-hat sporting absinthe drinkers.
King's text follows the lives of two polarized painters; Ernest Messonier and Manet. Messonier was the world's wealthiest painter and received both large sums of money for his work and praise from critics. His work highlighted past generations and was so exact and precise that the realism spent months to perfect. Manet was the inverse - a painter who looked to break new ground by painting less for precision, and more to convey emotion.
After reading the book, it is amazing just how many influential artists from one period were actually friends and colleagues who knew each other lives and works as intimately as we do today.
Also, King covers the work of artists that helped propagate the era like Ernest Messonier and other such as Titian, whose influence on impressionism was as great, if not greater than others, only to have his name known exclusively by fans of the genre, and not by casual supporters who are well familiar with the works of other painters.
The Judgment of Paris also details the Franco-Prussian War, the Commune and the reign of Bonaparte as backdrops to a time that experienced great change. At the time, Paris was the world's capital for many reasons, least of which was a lengthy list of important and influential artists who would forever change the face of art.
The only regret I have concerning this book is that I had not read it whilst walking the streets of Paris myself. Having known what I do now, it's quite possible I could have walked the streets with a map, showing that I subleted an apartment just a block from Manet's first studio in the Montmartre arrondisement.
Read this book - it is truly an amazing work and one of the best books I've read in the last while.
As many of you know, I use this blog as a platform for various purposes, one of which is to share with the readers some of the better books that I've read. All of the previous entries in The Book Of The Week Club are publications I stand by and mention in hopes that others will give it the old college try. This week's installment is no different.
Ross King's The Judgment of Paris depicts 1860's and 70's Paris, a 20-year period that was unquantifiable in influence in terms of the arts. Amidst scorn from art critics and fans alike, many of the biggest impressionist painters of the time were beginning to display works that were a massive change from the standards of the time.
The title of King's book is not to be confused with Ruben's famous painting of the same title, which in terms of the context of this book, is quite relevant in itself.
King's research is impeccable and the text is at times so dense it requires a second reading. His true skill is in depicting a time with such complexities that you can envisage yourself walking the streets of Batignolles neighbourhood of Paris with Edouard Manet, his colleague, the famous writer Anton Proust and their band of top-hat sporting absinthe drinkers.
King's text follows the lives of two polarized painters; Ernest Messonier and Manet. Messonier was the world's wealthiest painter and received both large sums of money for his work and praise from critics. His work highlighted past generations and was so exact and precise that the realism spent months to perfect. Manet was the inverse - a painter who looked to break new ground by painting less for precision, and more to convey emotion.
After reading the book, it is amazing just how many influential artists from one period were actually friends and colleagues who knew each other lives and works as intimately as we do today.
Also, King covers the work of artists that helped propagate the era like Ernest Messonier and other such as Titian, whose influence on impressionism was as great, if not greater than others, only to have his name known exclusively by fans of the genre, and not by casual supporters who are well familiar with the works of other painters.
The Judgment of Paris also details the Franco-Prussian War, the Commune and the reign of Bonaparte as backdrops to a time that experienced great change. At the time, Paris was the world's capital for many reasons, least of which was a lengthy list of important and influential artists who would forever change the face of art.
The only regret I have concerning this book is that I had not read it whilst walking the streets of Paris myself. Having known what I do now, it's quite possible I could have walked the streets with a map, showing that I subleted an apartment just a block from Manet's first studio in the Montmartre arrondisement.
Read this book - it is truly an amazing work and one of the best books I've read in the last while.
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