Saturday, May 22, 2010

Momentary Lapses of Judgement

Were it not for the existence of a concept of ‘momentary lapses of judgment’, it would become obligatory for men to develop more creative and elaborate excuses to explain many of life’s regrettable moments. It seems that momentarily losing one’s mind is a perfectly reasonable pretext for almost anything, if not a means of reasoning with others and rationalizing our faults.

Nobody’s perfect right? Apart from Jesus of course, according to my mother; who apparently used to hang with J.C and can vouch for his exemplary character. Opus Dei denies any such relations. Moving along, people make mistakes. Perhaps success in life can be defined as the avoidance of such errors. Regardless, momentary lapses of judgment will always be here to save our royal asses.

Understanding the concept is one thing, but the true mastery is in being able to manage it and apply it to daily circumstances for one’s benefit. This method has minute imperfections and may have a lesser effect depending on the severity of the mistake/crime, nonetheless, listed below are some real-life examples of how this concept can be manipulated to one’s advantage. Employ this concept whenever possible and prepare to see the benefits of living a healthy, guilt-free life.


Q: Why in the world did you bet $500 on England to win the World Cup?
A: Because I thought they actually had a chance. Moron, of course not…

It was as a result of a momentary lapse of judgment.

Q: Why did you cheat on your fiancée while away at your aunt’s funeral?
A: Because the girl had no visible prosthetic limbs and there was an open-bar at the funeral’s after party serving Zima. Wrong…

It was as a result of a momentary lapse of judgment.

Q: Why did you rent 27 Dresses for you and your mates to watch?
A: Because I’m a little queer and a wee bit fond of Katherine Heigl. Negative…

It was that damn momentary lapse of judgment thing again. You really wanted to rent Universal Soldier 8, or so you’ll tell your friends.

Use this as a crutch if you will. You can thank me later.

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