Each article will identify an issue, the problems it may cause and the methods of simplification.
1) New Era Modifications:
As most of you likely know, New Era is a company which makes baseball hats. Their 59/50 line of hats are the official on-field cap of Major League Baseball and are available at most sporting goods stores and their flagship Toronto location on Queen West, just steps from McCaul ave. The caps, commony known as "full-backs", are fitted and based on fractions of an inch in hopes of fitting all head sizes (even Hideki Matsui's size 8.) In my case, I have a big-ass head which requires a 7 5/8th cap. My collection of hats fitted well when my hair was short-cropped, however I am currently sporting a super-lame variation of the Tom Brady, and my hats do not fit as well as before - leaving me with a dilemma.
Last year I purchased a San Francisco Giants hat because a) I like the colours and b) one of my favorite skaters, Brian Anderson often wears one and it looks pretty neat. Since I am a moderate bandwagon jumper and a major fan of Giants hurlers Tim Lincecum and Brian Wilson, I wanted to rock the SF again, but alas, I didn't fit well. Problem solved - I taught myself how to modify them.
Follow both my written and visual instructions, and you too can overcome a similar obstacle. The modifications cannot be undone, so be aware that once you cut your hair short, your hats will fit like Jules Santana - which is altogether another level of coolness and panache.
For this process you will require sharp scissors, a New Era 59/50 cap and hands. You may also find that hands are a useful tool for many other duties such as solo-sex and wiping your ass/nose/stomach (see. Solo sex.)
Step 1) Pick a hat, place it on your head and confirm that the circumference of your melon is exactly that of the equator. Once you've completed said task, grab your scissors and make the two cuts to the band on the inside of the cap (this band - once removed will give you that extra space, hence the enitre purpose of this post.)
In this case, I will use a ratty, old Yankees cap as a test model.
N.B. This is most efficiently performed while NOT WEARING the hat - don't blame me if you cut yourself/detach your retina.
Make certain the cuts are sharp and clean, as this whole method is based on your ability to operate scissors and maintain the initial form of the cap. It is essential that the cuts are close, but not touching the seams which connect the bill of the cap to the body.
Step 2) Once you've made those two cuts, still using the scissors, delicately remove some of the stitching at the absolute base of the cap by firstly cutting the seems, then removing the stitching by hand or by pulling with the scissors several seems ahead. Follow me? Start at the rear of the cap where the New Era label is stitched into the cap.
N.B. There are two sets of stitching laid-into the hat - the one you were asked to remove above, and the one that the measured inlay is stitched into the hat with. The inlay features white stitching, and an effort should be made to keep this one intact, as it will help maintain the general form of the hat.
Step 3) Continue removing the coloured stitching from the hat until the interior rim is completely removable, which should be the case if your two initial cuts were well performed and the stitches came-out with minimal effort.
At this point, all that is required is minimal clean-up as far as neatly removing any residual stitching and generally cleaning of the modified area.
Congratulations, you are now the proud owner of a newly modified and purposeful New Era cap that can now be worn regardless of quantity of hair. You can thank me later.
N.B. One last helpful nugget of wisdom for my homies - take a minute out of your hectic day, bust a few helicopter whirls and send a picture of your tube steak to a girl you work with. It worked for Favre.
Make certain the cuts are sharp and clean, as this whole method is based on your ability to operate scissors and maintain the initial form of the cap. It is essential that the cuts are close, but not touching the seams which connect the bill of the cap to the body.
Step 2) Once you've made those two cuts, still using the scissors, delicately remove some of the stitching at the absolute base of the cap by firstly cutting the seems, then removing the stitching by hand or by pulling with the scissors several seems ahead. Follow me? Start at the rear of the cap where the New Era label is stitched into the cap.
N.B. There are two sets of stitching laid-into the hat - the one you were asked to remove above, and the one that the measured inlay is stitched into the hat with. The inlay features white stitching, and an effort should be made to keep this one intact, as it will help maintain the general form of the hat.
Step 3) Continue removing the coloured stitching from the hat until the interior rim is completely removable, which should be the case if your two initial cuts were well performed and the stitches came-out with minimal effort.
At this point, all that is required is minimal clean-up as far as neatly removing any residual stitching and generally cleaning of the modified area.
Congratulations, you are now the proud owner of a newly modified and purposeful New Era cap that can now be worn regardless of quantity of hair. You can thank me later.
N.B. One last helpful nugget of wisdom for my homies - take a minute out of your hectic day, bust a few helicopter whirls and send a picture of your tube steak to a girl you work with. It worked for Favre.
Here's a collection of some of Brian Wilson's better interviews - enjoy.
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