Things I've Learned From The Kids at Bayside High

Now for something completely non-sensical and absolutely irrelevant that can only damage the pedigree of this website: Mr. Beldinnnnngggg! Damn that picture makes me want to sing 'Faaabbbrrricclaaanndd Fabricland!'

A.C. Slater took Jessie Spano's virginity, and he shoved it in a locker. Boy oh boy did that hurt her image as Bayside's resident feminist. A few years later she got butt-naked in showgirls and has probably shown her vag in an episode of Red Shoe Diaries - I'm not certain because I missed an episode or two. Actually, on second thought, just the one.

Had Spano's virginity not occupied such space in the aforementioned locker, Screech would have likely been forced in such locker by his friends A.C. and Zach. Once a nerd with no future that couldn't even wheel Lisa Turtle, who was clearly ovulating every episode, the real-life Screech a la Dustin Diamond is now a stand-up comic waxing poetic the virtues of sex with hookers and other useful tips for things I'm not above. Apparently he also has a sex-tape.

The point is that in this day and age of people changing careers in their 50's and getting remarried in their 60's, there is always room for a little reinvention. Should any of my readers one day be forced to deal with the depression and despair that goes along with making poor life-choices, just remember that it's never too late to reinvent yourself.

As a sidebar, does anybody else feel that Tiffany Amber-Thiessen is the most underated actress from the 1990's. Every single person with a television and a penis loved Kelly Kapowski, and her character on 90210 was one of the most influential, especially since she was essentially as replacement for Brenda once she moved to England. In hindsight, I thought 90210 was doomed following Brenda's departure after Season 4, but these fears were quickly set-aside once I gazed upon Ms. Thiessen again, this time thankfully outside the hallowed walls of Bayside High with her new surgically augmented acting chops.