Ruminations 3.0

For my readers who like myself are citizens of the fine city of Toronto, today is the municipal election - and if you don't vote, you can't bitch. Despite the fact that city hall is a non-partisan entity and things rarely get done because of this, it is still important to exercise your right to the franchise. There seems to be quite a dichotomy with this fall's election, as two candidates, Rob Ford and George Smitherman appear to be neck and neck - let's have a look at the tale of the tape:

Rob Ford is a lecherous, wife-beating, child-slapping, Coors Light chugging hardliner who will not only destroy the growth of the arts and culture in the city, but is also a bigot and racist. He is being supported by elderly Caucasians and displaced obese Americans.

George Smitherman is a former drug user, gay club visiting, hard line asshole who lied about the eHealth fiasco and came-out of the whole mess looking untrustworthy. He cares about arts, culture, bike lanes and the environment. He is being supported by the gays, the lesbians and them transformers with both parts and those who are opposed to Rob Ford and his slothful ways.

There is a third candidate, Joe Pantalone, who is a distant third, but has received a great deal of support from younger voters. Despite the support, a vote for Joey Pants is a waster, and based on policy, should be given to Smitherman only as a means of preventing Rob Ford's ascendancy to mayor. In all likely hood Pantalone may be the best candidate, but has zero chances of winning. In a pamphlet left on my front stoop, Joey Pants is pictured holding a cricket bat. I assume this was in hopes of garnering the support of the south Asian community. Rumour has it Mr. Ford was appalled, noting that a cricket bat is his favorite weapon for beating the shit out of his wife.

Vote responsibly my friends, and by that I mean fuck Rob Ford. This city needs better green spaces, public transportation, bike lanes with curb dividers and a more responsible city hall. The only reason Rob Ford wants the gig is because the litany of hot-dog vendors at the southern tip of Nathan Phillips Square and the Red Lobster at Bay and Dundas steps from the offices of the mayor.

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Firstly, I must give credit to all the world's mothers. For the most part, your sacrifices are inspirational. Having said that, just because you're a mom doesn't mean you have to exploit it and your babies. In today's paper (The Star), there's an article by a woman, who based on the content is a mother. It describes the frustrations of how her children dress and how she wishes they would heed her advice. Apparently Ines Sainz has some competition for the Edward R. Murrow Award for Excellence in Journalism. Just because you're a mother, doesn't mean you should have a large platform for describing the plight of your son's jeans being too baggy. It's as if being a mother-journalist is like getting your badge in fire-starting and safety in Cub Scouts and burning your home down. Fuck - do I even have a point?

It's similar to the guy who says 'I'm a good father, I feed my kids, buy them clothes and shit'.... really? Like no shit! You're father of the year, despite the fact that all of those aforementioned displays of parenting are mandatory and by no means identify you as a good father.

I'm not certain where I'm going with this - but being a parent must be the world's most difficult, time-consuming job known to man. Don't blow your own horn telling everybody who will listen how great you are at being a parent, if your son does not grow up to be a rapist, murderer or Rob Ford, you will know.

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Don't forget - tomorrow night.... Lebron and his boyfriends will be in Boston. Unless CBC is running re-runs of Antique Roadshow with Valerie Pringle you do not have an excuse for not watching.

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